I remember the night that I overdosed in an attempt to take my life… It was 7 years ago and I remember everything about that night. I felt just like you. Alone and unwanted. I couldn’t escape from all the abuse and hatred happening at home and in school, I had no one. The people who were supposed to care, didn’t. I’m more than a year into my recovery, and I still feel like that sometimes. There’s so much going on right now making me feel a little more alone than normal, because, physically… I am now alone and it’s scary. I know now that I have people that care about me within this community, and it thanks to their encouragement I even started my recovery… Honestly, at the very start of my recovery, if it wasn’t for these guys, I would probably have ended my life before hitting even 6 months… I’m doing a main share at my NA meeting tomorrow, meaning I share my story, and I’m terrified. I’ve never spoken about my story outside of this community, so I know how hard this was for you. The build up to it is terrifying, I question everyday whether I’m even worth my recovery… but, again, I trusted these guys to keep me on the right path, and here I am… Still alive and clean. When you’re in this addiction, it feels like you’re never going to get out, you feel like it’s going to be the rest of you life because facing life on its own terms is too painful, and I’ll be honest, when you get clean, that doesn’t get an easier unless you really dig deep and address the root of it… and it’s freaking painful and those feelings will still be there… thats why you surround yourself with people who lift you up - even if it’s this community, because, that’s all I had at the start.
I thought I was a lost cause. I didn’t even want to recover to begin with. But, if I can do it, you can too.