Hold Fast, Because I Can’t

Want to start this with saying I love each and every one of you guys! You guys are some of the strongest freaking people I’ve ever met. And probably some of the most supportive people as well, but I wanted to start with that because I want everyone to realize these things. And know that you guys try and fight your hardest and your hardest is enough.

I leave to see my ex on Sunday and when I come back everything will be different. My world will be changed. Because either I’ll move back down with him or things won’t work out and I’ll come home more broken and destroyed then before. But I’ve learned a hard lesson of life and that’s that the fate is real. And unfortunately I headed down a dark path and there’s no turning back. It’s back to Xanax to numb myself pain pills to just feel high and well self harm cause I’m pissed that I did that and relapsed with porn. I wish I could have been a better member of this community. I wish I would have been able to say I’m 100 days clean. But the way I’m headed that’s only a dream.

But I’ll keep living and walking this night mare but I’ll live it and walk it alone. Because I will no longer feel like a burden and a failure to others. So I won’t let you see me fail. I’m sorry for everything and I wish you the best in life.

~ Monkeyy

p.s. come midnight tonight I will be out of contact for a bit. So if I don’t respond I’m okay, don’t worry about me, and remember one thing always holds true. You’re loved and you’re worth it! :heart:



I hope you realize there are people in this community that do care for you. I don’t understand why you would want to go back to someone that hurt you. I do understand wanting to give people second chances or benefit of the doubt.

I hope only good things for you. I wish that I could convince you to do only what is good for you. To find your will to live and realize the strength in yourself. Yet I also want you to have no regrets. So if this move will satisfy that longing or closure that you’ve mentioned. I hope it turns out the way you hoped in a good way.

Blessed be.

Well good luck expect the worst and hope for the best :kissing_heart: