Hope Motivated Me, But I Still Struggle

My name is Brad and I have overcome drug addiction, trauma, suicidal thoughts, and hatred of myself. It has been a long journey and I’d love to share with you all a part of mine.

I had brain surgery at 4 years old and woke up during the middle of it. My mother had to rock me back to sleep in order for the surgery to be completed. I struggle with insomnia and often joke that this is the proof I have sleep issues. Yet, that’s far from my biggest struggle.

I’ve attempted suicide twice and failed both times. I don’t know if I can connect with anyone else doing the same thing, but I learned over time what I considered “failure” was really an opportunity to be successful. I had to pull myself out of the abyss of my mind that told me I was worthless, that I would be better dead, that the world would be better without me. I believed that lie. Anyone who feels thins: stop believing the lie. YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE NOT SMALL. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOUR LIFE HAS PURPOSE! EVEN IF YOU DON’T SEE IT NOW!

That doesn’t mean you won’t struggle because I can tell you that I still do. I have bad days where I want to spend my time alone, in my apartment, just wasting the hours in my day. I have tremors to this day and still struggle with my anxiety. I’ve stayed in bed all day numerous times thinking about how much of a freaking loser I am, even though I know it’s a lie. It sucks, but I’ve learned to ground myself and not freak out and it’s helped me so much.

Screw you trauma; Screw you addiction; Screw you depression; Screw you anxiety; Screw you codependency; Screw you hate, and Screw you self deprecation. I control you. Not the other way around.

I love you all. Love yourself as well please

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Hello @Bmun21

Thank you for sharing your story and welcome! It was very powerful and I for one needed to hear it. :hrtlegolove:

Yep, you can.

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Hi Brad
Thank you for such a wonderful inspiring post, I am dreadfully sorry you had that happen to you, I cant even begin to imagine what that was was like and as if that wasn’t enough living in that darkness of depression and attempting suicide is tragic and so very sad, but you are living proof that if you can overcome that darkness, there is light, it takes time and it takes work but you are so strong and your story is a wonderful insight for other people who are currently struggling, people who cant quite yet see their way out but will be glad to know that others have managed it, and if you can, maybe they can too. I am personally so grateful to you for being a bright light in my day today. I have such a pride in you. Thank you for your words and Thank you for being you.
Much Love
Lisa :heart:

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@Bmun21,

Screw you trauma; Screw you addiction; Screw you depression; Screw you anxiety; Screw you codependency; Screw you hate, and Screw you self deprecation. I control you. Not the other way around.

Man, this brought me to tears. It is so powerful and I love so much how you stand up against the lies that might be stuck in your mind sometimes. Thank you for the inspiration, for sharing parts of your story, for your honesty and for the encouragement. Your message is strong. You are strong. You were not defeated by what happened before. You are still here, alive and breathing, and that is your very first strength. Keep owning it as you do. You have so much goodness to bring in this world just by being you, Brad. :hrtlegolove:

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