My name is Brad and I have overcome drug addiction, trauma, suicidal thoughts, and hatred of myself. It has been a long journey and I’d love to share with you all a part of mine.
I had brain surgery at 4 years old and woke up during the middle of it. My mother had to rock me back to sleep in order for the surgery to be completed. I struggle with insomnia and often joke that this is the proof I have sleep issues. Yet, that’s far from my biggest struggle.
I’ve attempted suicide twice and failed both times. I don’t know if I can connect with anyone else doing the same thing, but I learned over time what I considered “failure” was really an opportunity to be successful. I had to pull myself out of the abyss of my mind that told me I was worthless, that I would be better dead, that the world would be better without me. I believed that lie. Anyone who feels thins: stop believing the lie. YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE NOT SMALL. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOUR LIFE HAS PURPOSE! EVEN IF YOU DON’T SEE IT NOW!
That doesn’t mean you won’t struggle because I can tell you that I still do. I have bad days where I want to spend my time alone, in my apartment, just wasting the hours in my day. I have tremors to this day and still struggle with my anxiety. I’ve stayed in bed all day numerous times thinking about how much of a freaking loser I am, even though I know it’s a lie. It sucks, but I’ve learned to ground myself and not freak out and it’s helped me so much.
Screw you trauma; Screw you addiction; Screw you depression; Screw you anxiety; Screw you codependency; Screw you hate, and Screw you self deprecation. I control you. Not the other way around.
I love you all. Love yourself as well please