I’m someone who is only starting high school and for years I’ve been dealing with parents who are divorced and who hate each other with a passion. It’s hard for me already to be the oldest child and have a broken family but for my parents to be at each other’s throats like this drives me crazy. I’m pressured to keep them happy and away from each other for my sisters because the last thing I’d ever want is for them to feel what I feel about my parents.
When they do fight though, it’s yelling and screaming at each other for days if not weeks. I try my hardest to keep them away from each other to the point I’ll take the blame for things I didn’t do, I hate them fighting and I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault when they fight or i should’ve done more to keep them from doing it.
I’m also trying to balance out school and my mental health but my mom doesn’t understand the pain I go through, she yells about how I’m distant from her because I’m on my phone too much or I’m hanging out with the wrong people when really I’m just trying to stay out of her way because sometimes it seems like I can’t breathe without her having a problem with me.
The only person that gives me hope or some kind of happiness is my boyfriend, but my mom even has a problem with him too.
I just can’t break away from her and I’m so tempted to run away but I know I can’t because of my sisters so now I’m just stuck in this little box of a life with no way out…
I don’t know what to do anymore, I just want to make my mom proud of me and love me without it feeling like it’s fake…
Hi my Friend,
welcome to Heart Support, and thank you a lot for reaching out to out.
First of all, what happened to your parents, what stands between them is definetily not your fault.
My parents also divorced but when i was a child, and my mum barely speaks a word about or with
my father. i was young and did not understand all of this very well in my young life.
It is hard to stand between them, to manage all of this for your sisters as well, to try to keep that away
from them. maybe try to openly speak up about all of this with each one of them, first seperated and
calm, when it gets heated up drop the topic. it may help them when you show how you feel and
how all of this affects you, and also that you do all of that for your sisters.
if they can’t manage to endure each other, they should give it a try for their kids, at least when they
are around. they can still go their seperate way.
i know it is hard, but i think you are doing this all very well and that shows how much you love your
siblings, how strong you are and the heart that you have. but also, give yourself the self care that
you need, time with your bf, time for yourself with things to do that you love. you also started high
school. be proud of yourself, you absolutely can, we are proud of you and i am.
you deserve that and you are worth it, you matter my friend, have a nice day and feel hugged
Greetings
That sounds like a terrible situation, and it brings back memories of my childhood as well. I often wondered why my parents voices didn’t just wear out from the yelling and screaming. I think my situation was different from yours though, because I was the youngest, and my older siblings really should have been looking out for me, but usually didn’t. I did my best to be invisible around the house, or just be away from the house. That was how I conditioned myself to survive. Even today, some of that conditioning lingers, as I’m almost always the quietest person in a group.
Have you ever asked your parents why they are still around each other, even though they are divorced?
One approach you might try, is rather than object to how they are behaving, explain that you and your sisters need thoughtful, calm, consistent and loving parents. That might shift their perspective, while not having any particular thing to get defensive about.
Growing up in a chaotic and dysfunctional home may seem like it’s taking forever, but it isn’t. I suspect that your mom will end up feeling proud of you, and will try to take credit for how well you turned out. That’s what my parents did, and I just let them have their delusion.
I read somewhere, that children from dysfunctional homes can survive as long as they realize that what they are being subjected to, isn’t how things should be. I guess that’s how it worked out for me. If your parents won’t change, it’s probably best for you and your siblings to figure out the best way to avoid confrontations.
I’ve tried talking to my parents calmly multiple times in the past but it’s usually my mom who will either just make it about her and play the victim or say she’ll do better about it but turns around and does the same thing the next day.
I am trying my hardest for my sisters but I’m exhausted from trying to tell my parents to be better for us.
Thank you for your kind words though, it really helped.
My parents don’t live with each other anymore but my mom relies on my dad for financial support and me and my sisters switch houses between them frequently so they are often in touch.
Usually if something doesn’t go my mom’s way between the two of them or she thinks me and my sisters favor my dad over her she’ll fight about it with my dad for days.
It’s affecting my mental health and I’ve grown anxious and fear when my parents are around each other.
Thank you for your support though, it really did help
