Hopelessness and Despair because of my living situation

Hello… I live with family members and there is a rat situation that they’ve been trying to take care of, but there are still uncaught ones running around and also one of the people I live with has been taking things out on me even though I am innocent. I was supposed to attend my cousin’s wedding this coming Monday 3,000 miles away, but due to misunderstandings, they were not expecting me and I had to cancel the trip. I am waiting for reimbursement which I was assured due to travel insurance i had for the tickets, but I am devastated that I have no even temporary relief from my unsafe and stressful living situation. I thought God had assured me I would be making it to NY for the wedding but now I feel hopeless and abandoned. God please forgive me for how I feel and for my thoughts. I want to believe God loves me and unconditionally and will honor His promises to me. But things keep happening to make the opposite appear to be true. That’s why I need God’s forgiveness and to be able to experience the love, forgiveness, Presence, peace and everything else in His Presence including protection from harm and full healing. I need Jesus because He is my reason to live and the only reason I am alive today. The only reason any of us is alive today…I also need God’s help and solutions to bear fruit in my life.


I think sometimes the assurance we receive takes the form of “everything’s going to be okay.” Perhaps sensing that kind of assurance that you to believe that things would unfold as you had hoped. Sometimes, in order for everything to be okay, life takes an unexpected turn, for example, not being expected at a wedding.

It may sound complicated, but if God promises a specific thing will happen, expecting that thing to happen will change a person’s behavior which in turn can prevent the promised thing from happening.

Many people, including me, have grown spiritually because of hardship. I grew up with harsh circumstances, including homelessness and hunger.

I lived for a couple of years on the Detroit River where the rats were as big as cats. They were living in the attic, under the house, and in the walls. The problem with poison is that you have to follow the smell in order to dispose of the carcasses. They were actually too big to be caught with spring traps. It took a year, but I finally managed to get them out of the house. There was no way to get them out of the neighborhood. Along the riverbank, there were huge chunks of concrete to prevent erosion. In the evenings, I could watch what looked like hundreds of rats wandering through the spaces between the chunks of concrete. I had to medium-size dogs that wanted to chase the rats, but I wouldn’t let them. Enough about rats!

In relation to God’s unconditional love, it could be said that we humans exist in a state of “pre-forgiveness.” You can ask for forgiveness, but forgiveness towards us is a perpetual state of the Divine. The thing about asking is that it helps us forgive ourselves.

Feeling abandoned is when we lose awareness of His presence. The Presence is always there, including within your own heart. Feeling abandoned is understandable. Even Jesus felt abandoned for a while.

Miracles happen. Sometimes people survive things that by human perspective should have ended their lives or ruined them in some way. There are also times when miracles don’t happen and people suffer. You might find the book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” by Victor Frankel to be interesting. During World War II, he was a prisoner in a concentration camp and while there experienced tremendous spiritual growth. Sometimes we face danger and are protected, sometimes were not.

What I’m trying to say is God’s solutions may unfold in unexpected ways. As a hospice nurse I came to understand that passing away is also a mode of healing. I worked in extremely dangerous neighborhoods. I realized that even if I got shot, it was essential to invest trust towards everyone present. That realization had to have come from divine inspiration.

You can ask for a specific outcome, and it may happen. It won’t happen if the outcome interferes with your spiritual path.

I hope you can find a better living situation. Maybe the money from the plane tickets can help you. I think I’d be tempted to spend the money on a hotel room for a couple of days, where the environment would be clean, quiet and a place of peace.

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First off, welcome to Heart Support! We’re glad you’re here!

That is tough. I’m not sure I can say much more than Wings said, but one bit I’ll add is that it’s okay to be angry at God. It’s not okay to curse Him or renounce Him or act out against Him, but it’s okay to be angry. God understands that life is hard, and He has big shoulders. Job was angry at God for years. Eventually God stepped in and said “Hey, you don’t know what I’m planning, so quit trying to guess,” but God didn’t condemn or abandon Job.

Also, I know people hate hearing “Have an attitude of gratitude”–I know I got tired of hearing that as if it would fix everything–but it’s fresh in my mind from the sermon I heard this past weekend. We’re used to asking God for things–better living situation, fewer rats, a nice time at a wedding. Instead, try to find the blessings and thank God for it. “Thank you God for a roof over my head. Thank you for other family members who don’t treat me unfairly. Thank you for travel insurance that will get my tickets refunded so I can get away somewhere else.” That doesn’t make it all better, but God hears those prayers. I regularly take this out of context, but I keep Luke 16:10 in mind: “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones.” My life has improved every time I’ve gotten tired of fighting and learned to make peace with where I am. Again, I don’t want to sound like “an attitude of gratitude fixes everything” and pat myself on the back for setting you straight. Counting your blessings won’t fix what’s broken in your life, and you need to acknowledge that what’s broken sucks; but if you acknowledge your blessings, maybe your life isn’t a complete suck fest, and if it’s not a complete suck fest it might empower you to move on the things that do suck.

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I assure you that good will come to you and your life is not only bad and that God loves you and is there for you.

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