I’ve become a huge disappointment thanks to my addictive nature. I want to do better but every time I get money I blow it trying to recover my losses. I need help. Tried GA meetings at least 4 times. Someone please wave your magic wand and fix me before it’s too late.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with gambling. Friend, dealing with an addiction is really hard. But not impossible. Recovering is a road full of obstacles and every person who’s struggling with an addiction or, more generally, unhealthy ways to cope, can understand that feeling of disappointment or discouragement.
I promise you are not alone in this and you’re not a failure. You’re a human being and, sometimes, we take whatever we can to cope. Our choices can be the wrong ones, because it only adds more difficulties to our current struggles. But you are doing something wonderful right now. First you are aware of what’s going and you accepted to share this with us. And you already took actions to fight against this:
“I want to do better” - “I need help” - “Tried GA meetings at least 4 times”
Please, allow yourself to take a moment to be proud of this. Because that’s huge and wonderful.
I know you chose a meaningful nickname and profile picture. I can understand why and admitting your difficulties is very important. But as I see this, I also want to remind you that you are not “just an addict”. Your entire story is more than an addiction. But it is part of it and you need to overcome this, to find healthier ways to live.
The very fact that you tried GA meetings is awesome. I don’t know if you still go there, but I really want to encourage you to keep trying. Even if for the moment it seems useless or uneffective. You can get support and understanding people there who’ll help you on your journey.
There’s no magic wand. I really wish there was. Because you already know that this is gonna take a lot of your energy. But you want to get better and you will. Addictions, by definition, are rarely overcomed with only one try. There can be relapses and it’s really discouraging. But there will be a moment when there won’t be those relapses. There will be a moment when you’ll be able to say “this is it”. Until you get there, please cherish your efforts and victories, even the smallests ones. Because every step you take to keep going on is important and worth it.
Also I don’t know how you deal with your money right now and if there are people who can help you in your life. But maybe it would be interesting to consider asking someone you trust to manage this for you. Receiving money is indeed triggering and stressful, so if someone can help you to deal with this step by step, it could be welcomed. When you can’t control yourself to do something, it’s okay to ask for help and let others take control of it temporarily. But I’m also aware that it can be tricky when it’s about money, so you really need to be able to do this with someone you trust and with legal precautions. Also, I don’t know in which country you live, but maybe there are dispositions that can be taken with your bank or with your employer.
Finally, I don’t know if you spend your money physically or online. If it’s physically, you can ask to be blacklisted there. If it’s online, you can use addons on your browser that allows you to block specified websites. For some of them you need to set a password so you can ask someone else to do it for you so you won’t know it. Also if you need to, give your cellphone to someone else and get one without Internet on it (really, even if it’s useful, most of the time we don’t even need phones with Internet). Finally, use adblockers, clean a bit your computer and maybe change your email adress so you won’t be spammed with ads.
It’s only some examples to show you that you can take actions like this and craft this magic wand for yourself. You are not stuck.
Hang in there.
You don’t understand how much life this gave me. No one has ever taken out the time and the care you put in this response I will save this and cherish this daily as I try to do better. Thank you so much!
@TheGambler I’m really glad to hear that. Thank you for your reply!
You matter, friend. And I believe in you.