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How did we get here..?

Today has been a tough one. I feel like every time I take 1 step forward, I take 27 backwards. I stay hopeful and I continue on the path that I believe will lead me to where I want to be. I just lose so much motivation sometimes. I freeze. I get trapped in my own head and don’t get anything done. I just lost 12 hours. Hours that could have been used to get me further in my career… further in my life… SOMETHING.

Today I froze for unknown reasons (anxiety, maybe exhaustion, maybe confusion as to where to start my tasks), but also for known: I’ve been thinking all day about how I could let certain relationships go so far down the drain. It’s so difficult to decide certain things:

-Am I being dramatic or is this a logical reaction to this situation?
-Was I in the right to pick a fight or should I have let this one go?
-Is this a valid gut feeling or is my anxiety making me paranoid?
-Am I just speaking my truth or am I being overbearing and exhausting to others?

I usually wait it out and let these spiraling though storms pass. Then with a clear head, I decide how I feel. Today, that wasn’t so easy. Some days it isn’t. I guess today I’m not here so much to look for advice (always welcome though), but rather just to vent.

If you have any tips or tricks on speeding up these thought storms, please do advise. I read quotes and tried distractions today… but was not very motivated to try much.

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Greetings,

Kudo’s for at least trying - sometimes that’s hard enough. If you needed to vent I get that.

Going down that well of second guessing your actions isn’t a good path as it can often lead to horrible self-doubt and sometimes even loathing. I recognize that happens to many of us, myself included, so finding validation in that you are alone something to offer, I suppose.

I would suggest stopping those floods of thoughts, the whirlpools… er, maybe vortex (vorti?), that are dragging you down in advance when you feel them coming on through some thought stopping exercises.

Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thought_stopping (in case you didn’t know what they are).

You can find lots of pages of resources for helping with them - but that may help. Google worksheets for thought stopping and you’ll find somethings to work with.

Good luck with the storms. It’ll likely take practice before you are able to stop them entirely.

I’m a mental health professional/game streamer and we picked your post to discuss tonight on my stream. Please drop by and let me know if you’d like chat or just respond here.

DrDyaus

PS – here is our discussion of your topic on stream!

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@MaybeTayToday

Hey friend, thank you for sharing and being here.

It’s absolutely normal to feel exhausted, like you’re losing motivation. Healing is rarely a straight road and there can be many moments when we feel like it’s impossible to keep moving on. I’ve felt like this many times. “1 step forward, 27 steps backwards”, exactly. It’s hard enough to make all of these efforts to make a step, but it’s frustrating when you feel like it was for nothing and it’s preventing you to catch some opportunities in your life. I get that. But also I’d like to switch a little bit that perspective.

Everytime you take a step forward, you are actually learning and growing. And what you learn can’t be unlearned. It’s not necessarily something you’ll be aware of at first. But in the long run you’ll see that you’re able to take steps further more often, to get back on your feet more quickly. Like a circle, with a diameter that is progressively being reduced, if that makes sense to say it like this.

It’s absolutely normal to procrastinate and freeze when you’re struggling. When I’m in a dark place mentally, I can’t do most of the things I’m normally used to, just because it requires an insane amount of energy and motivation. But that’s okay. There’s no need to blame ourselves for that when it happens.

I don’t know if it could be helpful for you, but we discussed about quite a similar subject recently (this kind of “storm” you mentioned and the impact of it in our lives) on the post of a friend here: Disappointing and want to disappear

Hold fast. :heart:

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Hey friend,
A lot of what you’re describing here is similar to the spirals I find myself in, too. The biggest ways I have found that help me get out of them and onto better paths is talking to other people and getting their advice, just as you’re asking for tips and tricks here. Getting another opinion from a trusted source has been invaluable when my mind is circling the negative storm drain. Writing, talking to my closest friends, my grandma (who is like my best friend), and being in the HeartSupport streams are all things that help me, but when things get darkest, I come here too. Also, I saw a psychiatrist to get back on medication to handle my depression and anxiety battle. I’m not sure if that’s a path you’ll need to walk down, but know that its okay to get a consult, especially if things are really bad. Talk to your doctors. Counseling is also an incredibly helpful option. I’m trying to get in to see one soon, and in the interim, I know that HS has a partnership for practical help with www.betterhelp.com/heartsupport. Maybe that would be helpful for you as well. I see @Micro tagged a post I made a while back, and they’re right, its a little similar to what you’re describing. Give it a read and if you’d like we can talk more. I do hope you are having a better day today. You’re not alone in this. You matter, how you feel matters. You are loved, seen, and heard. We are here for you. Hold fast.

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Depression and anxiety are like autoimmune disorders of the mind. Your mind attacks itself. In this case you, like me and so many others here, doubt the validity of your feelings. Feelings are not rational; they are, by definition, emotional. That said, your feelings are real and they are valid. Reactions notwithstanding, your emotional responses aren’t flawed. If for some reason you got really angry when someone gave you an ice cream cone, you don’t have to justify it, it just is. Just maybe keep the roundhouse kick in check :wink:

As for this, anxiety is an evolutionary trait that can be healthy in the same way as a fever–it’s an autoimmune response to an outside threat. It’s not fun and it can be dangerous, but gut feelings don’t come from nowhere. In the words of the late great philosopher Kurt Cobain, “Just because you’re paranoid don’t mean they’re not after you.” For better or worse, my gut feelings have been right more often than not, no matter how much I tried to rationalize them away. Yes, your anxiety is making you paranoid. But WHY? In those moments, I find journaling can help identify the roots and either help you discern corrective actions or put the Boogeyman back where he belongs. Just a concrete collection of free-associative thoughts that you can then analyze.

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Wow. Thank you so much. I really appreciate everything you said. I know it’s been a while, so I apologize for the late reply. I am doing a lot better now and more motivated. (:

I REALLY like what you said about nothing being able to take away the steps forward. I think this is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. <3

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Hahaha, thanks. :joy: I will definitely try. I do see what you are saying about the emotions being valid. I have been working hard on trying to be more aware of how my reactions to those emotions will affect those around me, and I think it is definitely going better than before. Luckily I am surrounded by friends that understand. Thank you for your kind words.

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Amazing. I love it. You rock.

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