So, just so everyone knows, I’m, personally, okay right now. It’s K (If you don’t know who K is look at one of my earlier posts) who isn’t okay. As I’ve said before she’s scared of her dad, but what I didn’t say was that I struggle to deal with seeing her so scared. I try to help as much as I can to help the both of us but nothing really works so she’s stuck being scared and I’m stuck worrying and feeling terrible about it. Is there any way to not feel as terrible? K and I plan to write a letter to her school counselor sometime next week and from what I can tell this whole thing will be a part of it.
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Hi again @MA10,
I’m sorry she’s going through such a painful situation. And I’m sorry you also have to deal with this. The problems you described are not yours, that’s true. But she’s your friend and you care about her. It’s absolutely normal to feel empathy and want her to be safe. You are a caring and loving friend.
I can relate to this feeling of being stuck and worried because you’re anxious for someone else and their safety. I’ve been raised in a family where there was violence. So when I was a kid, I witnessed too many situations in which people I love were harmed. It breaks my heart to even think about it. And there’s no words to describe how it feels to be put in such a situation. Even years after I can still feel the same thing. And even if over time I ended to be a victim of this violence too, I still struggle with these memories and feel guilty about it, because I can’t help wondering why I didn’t do more. But reality is: as a kid, I couldn’t do anything.
So the situation is different, but the reason why I’m telling you this is because I don’t want you to have to deal with this kind of feeling. You’re doing a lot already. You are there for her. She trusts you, she can talk to you. And it’s really important. Writing this letter is also a wise and great idea. I’m glad to know she’s okay with it for the moment and I hope she’ll get the help she needs.
You’re already both taking actions and doing the right thing. This situation has to change and she can’t live in fear constantly. But it’s also true that you have to take care of yourself. Helping others always include some limits. So don’t forget that even if you’re here for her, you have the right to take breaks, to focus on something else, to do what you have to do in your life. Protecting yourself is never selfish. You’ve already planned something to do, so after that you’ll have to wait. It’s really hard to accept our limits, especially in situations like these. And I know it’s hard to wait. But you’re both doing the right thing. So if it doesn’t work as expected, then it will still be possible to think about other actions to take.
It’s only my point of view, but I don’t think you can stop worrying for the people you love, as long as you care about them. But you can still try to slow down your thoughts, to acknowledge them or disconnect from them, even just a few minutes. Try to focus on activities that are relaxing for you or help you to stay focused. Exercise can be a great activity in order to spend some energy outside of your own mind. Also, writing whatever is going on in your mind can help to take a step back from your worries and fears. Maybe some meditation could also help you to slow down your thoughts.
You are doing a lot. It’s important to be aware of that. You’re a good friend for her. But there are also things you can’t control. It doesn’t mean she is stuck in this situation. Only that even if it’s hard to fight against worries, there is a difference between problem-solving and ruminations. And no matter what happens, this community is also here for you. You’re not alone in this.
Hold fast. 
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