How do I find help if I don't know whats wrong?

First of, I know that my problem might seem small compared to others. I also know, that a problem, no matter how small, can be extremely trying.
But how do I find help, and how do I communicate what’s wrong if I can’t pin point it?

What started with some kind of a listlessness grew into a full-fledged apathetic state - at least seen from my standpoint, compared to what I normally feel like.
I give tutoring for children - ever since Covid I give an tremendous amount of tutoring lessons - and I love it. I REALLY love it so much. Helping children overcome issues in learning as well as helping them to sort out their private life and get more organized just gives so much to me.

But since a few weeks I can hardly get myself to leaving for work, and lost every kind of enthusiasm for it. I lost my affection for my pets, which I adored. That doesn’t mean I’m indifferent about all this, I would never let “my” children or my pets down - but it’s stressing me out SO much. Up to a point of getting head bursting migraine and other physical symptoms.

I feel like I lost the ability to feel anything else but grief and negative emotions in general. Looking forward to go out, meet someone, or for vacations? No chance, I’d rather stay at home with a book or my computer games. Going out to eat with my boyfriend or going on a date isn’t motivating me either.
I’ve got a loving boyfriend, who cares about me more than one could expect - but any question regarding my mental state is something I can only answer with “Well, not different than yesterday”.

So… how do I find what’s wrong with me, and why do I feel that way? Am I in a position you’d call a depressive episode? And more importantly, after I found out what it is, how do I get over it? I finally found courage in posting in this forum, because I can’t even talk about to people who are close to me about how I feel, I feel like being a burden.

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Hi Maris
what your going through doesn’t seem small and I am sorry that you are struggling. I have gone through similar feelings of depression and I understand the frustration of not understanding why you feel the way you do and wanting those feelings to go away. Do you know when all of this started or what might have triggered it? That sometimes helps me when I am working through feelings of depression. I am not a mental health professional but talking with a doctor who is can help understand why your are feeling the way you do. In my own mental health journey it wasn’t until I started going to the doctors that I started making real improvements in my mental health. It sounds like you have a good support system and that is awesome. praying for you with lots of love!

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Hi Maris,

This definitely sounds like depression to me. One of the major markers for it is no longer finding enjoyment in things that you used to love doing. I can’t say for sure though.

As for what you should do? It’s generally suggested, in my experience, to continue doing the things you enjoy even if you don’t want to. Also common suggestions I’ve heard include eating better and getting exercise. You could try writing in a journal or finding a creative hobby.

If none of those things seem to be working you can always look for a counselor or therapist who can help you through these things, or there may even be some group therapy sessions in your area that can benefit you.

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Hey @Maris,

Thank you for sharing and being here. :heart: It takes courage to acknowledge what’s going on and to reach out - you did it! And you know it doesn’t really matter what others are going through. Because what matters here is you, your story and what’s going on in your life. If something’s important to you, it’s important to us too. So again, thank you.

So… how do I find what’s wrong with me, and why do I feel that way? Am I in a position you’d call a depressive episode?

We are no doctors or professionals here, so our opinions here are always personal, but what you describe sounds indeed like a depressive episode. Now, it’s doesn’t mean it would be necessarily a depression in itself. It depends on how long you’ve been experiencing this. We all have depressive episodes from time to time. And this year, with Covid and quarantine, the whole situation can affect us in ways we don’t always see at first. In any case, congratulations on being aware that the way you feel has changed. It’s really positive to acknowledge that now as it will allow you to take care of yourself as soon as possible. It’s okay to feel depressed and unmotivated. Now, it’s also important to try not to stay stuck in this. :heart:

And more importantly, after I found out what it is, how do I get over it?

It really depends on you, your story or what you are going through. I’d like to suggest you to get an appointment with a doctor, first, and ask for a medical checkup, to see if nothing changed in regards of your physical health. Sometimes, our body lacks of something and it impacts our mood and motivation.

Otherwise, the actions you would take depends on what makes sense to you personally. Exercising has definitely a lot of benefits and it’s a tool you can try to add/keep to your routine - even though when we’re depressed, it’s hard to find the motivation. Having a right balance of sleep is really important too. Now, this kind of things will help you to improve your current mood, but if you want to understand why you’re experiencing this and just get to know yourself more, discussing with a doctor/counselor/therapist could be really helpful. You don’t have to know all the answers to see a therapist. They are here to help you find them. And the good thing with a professional, it’s that it’s not a person who’s close to us. They can provide this safe space to you, a place where you can talk openly about how you feel, without having to feel guilty about it. If you’d be more comfortable with an online service, HeartSupport has a partnership with BetterHelp, to get 7 days of free counseling. This could be at least a way to discuss with a professional and have some guidance at first. You can get more imformations here: https://heartsupport.com/resources/. Also, if you have any questions or doubts in regards of your situation or the idea of seeing a therapist, I’d like to encourage you to have a look at this Twitch channel: Twitch - DrMick is a licensed therapist who’s stream is about giving a lot of insights and practical informations about mental health and therapy. Feel absolutely free to share your questions there in chat when he’s live.

I don’t know which representation you have of therapists and counselors at this point. But know that you don’t have to be in a deep depression or struggle to see a therapist. And it wouldn’t mean that you’re crazy or something would be wrong with you. We all need some extra support at different moments in our life. And that’s absolutely okay.

In any case, you are not a burden, Maris. It’s okay to find it hard to open up about your current struggles. It’s objectively not easy to be vulnerable in front of others. But reaching out is definitely something that will help you. By doing this, you allow others to be aware of what’s going on. You give them the clues to support you.

You can be proud of the step you just made here by sharing your message. It’s really positive. You did the right thing. And I really want to encourage you to keep reaching out.

Sending love your way. :heart:

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COVID has us all down to a degree, for seemingly “no reason.” It’s an ever-present external stressor, even if it doesn’t put us in imminent danger due to our lifestyles. You can tell yourself that it shouldn’t be a big deal because everyone else is experiencing it too, but that’s not true. It’s a big deal for everyone. You’re not crazy, and we all feel your pain. I think I speak for everyone when I say I wish there was a simple way to find peace and be okay, but prayer and journaling and isolated activities don’t change the fact that we live in uncertain times and things aren’t normal. I think the best we can do right now is take turns supporting each other. Now we’re here to support you. Hold fast.