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How do I find out who I am going through this?


#1

There has been quite the amount of change over the last month that has created a current circumstance of uncertainty, regret, heart ache, and a sense of feeling so lost in misery and depression.
Personal matters that originally were the highest of highs in my life soon became the lowest of lows, realizing shortly after getting past the destruction that came as a result of my inability to understand, failure to recognize, and some things that were completely outside of any control that I had…
Ive lost the relationship with my best friend who I love dearly, the loss of our child…seeing that take a toll on her while unable to get through my own grief, incapable to be the support she needs or wants…all the while dealing with depression which has left me in a state of questioning life itself…what’s worthwhile, whats meaningful and whats right…soon becomes twisted into anxiety, panic, worry and full of doubts.
I’ve found out that i’m not alone…and I know that she is not either in what we face currently…many people know exactly where we are and what we are facing…
What I am seeking is how to become a better man…one who can listen without speaking, understanding what others are expressing, and knowing how to respond in a respectful, loving manner…
I struggle with the disability known as Aspergers…and I’m aware that it takes a toll on how I know how to interact with others. It’s very complicated…I’m not well educated in regards to everything involving being on the spectrum…but I know that it’s not something that I want to be able to define who I am or how I function in society…
I want to be normal…I want to see the light while traveling through this dark valley…I want to be a better person…and I want to change for the better


#2

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this friend. However, thank you for reaching out.
The loss of any child is rough - and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Is there a way you and your partner can communicate in a way that works for both of you? Letters to each other maybe? Express yourself in a way that she can understand, and encourage her to do the same. Have you looked into grief counselling?

HeartSupport has a partnership with BetterHelp, that can provide 7 days free therapy… Aslong as you take your card details off before the week ends, you won’t be charged! www.betterhelp.com/Heartsupport

There’s no such thing as “normal” and I’m so proud of you for wanting to change. You’re not alone friend. You’re cared for.

Hold Fast
Kayla


#3

Hi Kayla,
Thank you for responding…
Things are a little complicated…
We moved into an apartment together on the 7th of May, ended up breaking up on the 9 while staying in a suite as our apartment had problems and the complex was rushing a new one for us…her health has been getting worse since, lost the baby on the 13, she underwent surgery on the 16th, and moved out of the apartment on the 17th.
Things began rekindling slowly over the following week between us…but I got upset towards her on the 27th. We work together, still take lunches together and are trying to talk. We both find each other attractive and still love each other…but because of the words I had spoken, shes withdrawn, and I have nothing but regret.
I had to find a roommate after she moved back with her parents, and we are both just in an emotional whirlpool of hurt.
We talked today during lunch, and will be carpooling together soon.
Though I would do anything for her, my words echo in both of our ears, hurting and upsetting her, and disgusted with myself for losing self control and saying things I wouldn’t say to my worst enemy.
I feel ashamed and over burdened with guilt.

Talking about our baby right now is very emotional for her, as is for me, and usually does not get discussed between one another…it’s a topic she wants to avoid, and I don’t blame her…I am at a loss besides to attempt to be my best every day…as best as I can…it’s just more than difficult right now


#4

It’s a hard topic, I can’t even begin to imagine, but, it is one that has to be spoken about at some point, otherwise things won’t get better. I think the safest way for you both to do that is with s grief counsellor. Whether you do it individually and then together or however you do it… right now, you need support and not just from each other.

Hold fast
Kayla