How do i recover now and how do i self love?

This has something i never really though of . Something i never got to the point of , well i came this far . what next? I’m in therapy and its working but its only so much they can do . But at the end of the day i wont always will be seeking a therapist. I’ve never really thought of me being this far. But, this may sound so dang stupid but how do i practice self love? i know the simple things like taking care of my self but I’ve never thought of this because 4 to 5 years I’ve been so down in the dumps with dealing with my depression and anxiety. I know I’ve accomplished so little but so good like,
1.Going to therapy
2. being clean from self harm .
But to me that feels so little , so many things not accomplished in my years of dealing with mental health.
i still have the thoughts every once in a while telling me to “kill myself”. but they don’t pop out every time my mind is “empty.” Recovery to people can be easy but always hard. To me its both . the most time i could stay clean for is maybe a 1 year and 6 months and i’m now by the time i create this topic i’m 1 year and 3 months clean. I just feel like i make it more then a half way i relapse cause that’s what happened last time . I guess a struggle for me to be able to recover is i guess being able to stay happy . i will be happy but then i will be down and have my rough days. There’s times where i would just point the negatives out about how i feel but not the positives. like whats so positive in a day that was so bad or not good?
To be honest i think its the consistency of why its a problem. but the thing is i’m still here right? Anyways, there so much I’ve been through the past week or so that has lead up to more then one thing that made me lead to where i am which is, having felt like i was a failure, that i was unlovable, that i was disposable because of just one thing that was so small that i believe on what i felt like i was when i was told something from a family member. I continued to feel like a failure in a class because stuff happened when i was doing a good job but people didn’t like it. Then i had an issue with someone who made me feel disgusted and i reported it to people at school and i was told to stay away from them but it was hard because they were friends with my boyfriend . After that started to die down i was put as a “witness” to something i had no clue about that i was told little information on. This has put so much strain on me its like how can i find joy in what i do when I have a low or when i have these negatives come across my mind. For those who don’t know i want to get my degree in special education and american sign language. How can i be sucessful and okay when i deal with this battle and the thoughts I’ve had. Anyways, my point is How can i be able to recover and how do i self love when all ive been is low and down and not Up and happy? Sorry for this long post i just really needed to poor this out .
Any advice is needed. I really need this and i really need to get better.
Have a good day, Ashley .

1 Like

Hey friend. Thanks for sharing.
Both of these questions I seem to be asking myself as well, so maybe we’ll both find the answer.
Going to therapy and cleaning yourself from self harm is a huge, huge thing; please don’t take those for granted. Every day you reject self harm is another victory, and we’re so proud of you for that.
It’s hard to ‘feel’ self love sometimes, even when you’re taking good care of yourself. But sometimes taking care of ourselves means giving ourselves more material things, or trying to satisfy ourselves with more stuff. In my experience that doesn’t quite help at all. Whenever I feel down it’s usually because I haven’t taken time to go for a walk, meditate, connect with friends, or whatever. Walks are honestly amazing for me, it’s just the perfect therapeutic experience. But maybe it’s different for you; maybe what helps is going and having coffee with someone you trust, or helping people on the support wall or whatever.
Don’t deprive yourself of the positives in your day, they exist and they’re real. I would encourage you to try journaling out your favorite part of the day, so you can appreciate positive things throughout your day; this has helped me a lot actually cause positive things are way easier to forget than negative things. Not every day is going to be 100% awesome though, and that’s okay; but don’t tell yourself your whole day was just bad. That’s not fair being fair to yourself.
It might also help to write out some truths about yourself that you don’t always tell yourself. You’re not a failure, you’re not unlovable, or disposable. You are a success, you are strong, and you matter. You’re my friend, and there’s no reason to think of yourself as anything less.
You’re capable of getting better.
You will get better.

Have yourself a good day,

Hey Ashley

For starters, I believe your plight is admirable. You don’t seem to have a victim complex and you seem to be taking good steps towards becoming the person you want to be. That’s really rad.

Something that may be worth taking into account is the physical effect that depression can have on your body, in particular the structure of your brain. Our brains are incredibly complex and a lack of serotonin/dopamine for extended lengths can definitely alter how we think and behave. Anti-depressants can help in this regard (in the event you aren’t already on them). Alternatively, you could try and give yourself a ‘reboot’ of sorts: a rush of endorphins by exercising or doing something that really makes you feel alive.

As you mentioned, consistency could be a big issue. The things that we consistently do/think probably have the biggest impact on who we become. It’s difficult and I definitely need to do this myself, but replacing bad habits with good ones will go along way to helping you grow.

Don’t give up, life has purpose. You will be able to do awesome things as a teacher if you stick to your goals.

Hi friend, thanks for reaching out.

Healing is something that takes time and it will be full of up and downs. Sometimes you’ll be feeling like you’re hitting the lowest again and it’s completely normal, it’s part of the process.

There is no good or bad way to learn how to self-love. Unfortunately is something that you have to learn yourself. In my opinion, it’s part of the journey. You cannot heal if you don’t learn it, and you can’t learn it if you don’t heal. Take one day at a time and you’ll figure it out

Love you ╳