I feel like I’m on here so much asking for your help at the moment, I’m sorry.
As some of you know, one my dogs is very unwell, he has an illness which means that larynx are part paralysed, making it difficult to breathe and can literally cause him to choke to death. With this illness, there is also a chance of sudden death syndrome, which is literally what the name says… His heart could literally stop tomorrow and we wouldn’t have any signs to say it’s going to happen.
He has Arthiritis in his back legs, which causes some pain and stops him from properly being able to get about - I.e. We have to lift him in and out of the house or onto furnitrue… He’s on a few medications to help manage this, which, we are OK with as it’s no different to how my mother lives with her Arthiritis…
The final thing is that he may possibly have a lung and heart conditon. He was supposed to have gone in to have an x-ray, however they couldn’t do it because his heart was beating way too fast and it would have killed him. We don’t know if it was down to stress of being alone at the Vet, a medication he’s on or something more serious. We’re waiting to hear back, but, what happens if it is a heart condition?
Showing emotion is something that isn’t really encouraged within my family, and we’re getting to a point now where we are considering the best option for him, whether it be to put him down, or to keep going… This dog in particular has seen me through so much, including my suicide attempts in the past, and my heart is breaking SO MUCH over the whole thing… How do I say goodbye to him? How do I deal with the grief and emotion in a healthy way when I’m going to have to be the one that stays strong? We have 3 other dogs, if everyone falls apart, they’re not going to get the care they need. I’m an addict, and in order to stay clean through this, I have to have a plan in place for when it happens, and I have no idea what to put in place where. It’s the first time I’ve ever lost a pet, and this was the one thing I told my sponsor would lead to a relapse if anything.
How do I avoid relapsing after he passes?? I don’t know how to say goodbye to him, I don’t know how to prepare for what’s to come. I just wish he was okay and that he could have a few more years. Please don’t tell me that it’s part of life and I have to just accept it. I know I have to accept it’s happening, but my dogs are my world. If it weren’t for them, I would have been dead long before I found HeartSupport.