Lately I’ve been thinking about old friends and old situations from my past. Most of My friends have talked behind my back and betrayed me in some way. It makes me feel like I’m the problem. All though I have come along way and built up confidence and live a pretty good life I always have the past situations and people running through my head. I honestly go all the way back to my child hood and find times we’re friends were teasing me and leaving me behind. It’s happen a lot in my life. How to I move past this? Literally everyday I have flash backs. I fee now I trust people to much and once something happens that I feel they are not a loyal friend I write them off immediately.
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Hi Moose,
Forgive me, I don’t know much about you and am curious about some things.
I think it’s normal to think back to your past like this, after all, our pasts are really what form us into the people we are now. Good or bad, they are ingrained in us as people, and it is normal to reflect. I’m sorry to hear that most of your friends spoke badly of you or betrayed you in some way. May I ask why you think you were the problem? I’ve come to realize something. The actions of others is not a reflection of myself as a person, and so I should not judge myself based on how those people conduct themselves. For the longest time I couldn’t accept this and any time somebody did something I thought I was at fault.
This reminds me of myself. I went through a bad rut in my late teens and early 20s, during which time it felt like all of the world had given up on me - even myself. It the years that followed I’ve come leaps and bounds from where I was and I’ve changed so much (in a good way) that you probably wouldn’t recognize me back then. Still, I always remember my past, how I was abused, how I had nobody for so long.
Flashbacks, especially recurring ones tend to be a side effect of PTSD. (Insert disclaimer that I am not a professional.) It may be beneficial to talk through these memories with a trusted acquaintance or therapist so that you can get to the root of that trauma and stop the flashbacks.
It is good that in spite of your past you can still trust people, and truth be told, if you feel as though someone is not being loyal to you in some way, you have the right to remove that person from your life. I believe in quality over quantity when it comes to people. Those people who are at your side when you need them the most - those are the ones to keep around. All those people that talk behind your back - those people aren’t worthy of being called friends. Unfortunately, as you know, there are way more bad ones than good ones.
My hope is that you are able to take the time to make peace with your past and that may even make it easier to navigate through your present relationships. There is no better time than now. Thank you for taking the time to reach out, friend.
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Thanks for the advice and kind words. I wasn’t the smartest person or quickest to have comebacks in my early to mid 20s. So I was always messed with by friends or blown off by them because I simply would always forgive them or not have the balls to call them out on it or them being dicks. I also worked with a lot of my friends at a dealership. I made a lot of mistakes because I started out knowing nothing and didn’t have the right guidance. So every mistake I made was thrown in my face and I was labeled a fuck up. Although I quit that place and moved on I still think about them years later. It’s been 5 years since I left that place and It’s almost like something clicked and I am a lot more smarter and wiser and I can come quick with come backs. It’s just hard sometimes because when I think about the past which I do everyday I get so angry and it makes
Me feel horrible and not normal. I see everybody as normal and I just wanna be like all of those guys that talked behind my back. They never got any shit for making mistakes. I just wanted to be normal like them.
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I think maybe you were a product of your environment. We all hear the sayings, If you lay with dogs, you get fleas, etc. If we live and/or work around toxic people long enough, we get poisoned. Being around the right people can make a world of difference in our lives and how we see ourselves. I’m glad you got out of that environment. I think you are perfectly normal considering what you’ve been through. What’s past is past. You can’t go back and change your responses and unfortunately you can’t tell your past self that he did nothing wrong, and he was not a bad person. He was simply in a bad place. I think with all the progress you’ve made these past 5 years, you’re doing great, and you’re a far stronger person than any of them were.
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Thanks so much friend!!!
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