I don’t want this post to come across as ungrateful, but this whole situation is making me super uncomfortable and I’m not sure how to even start to handle this.
I’ve spoken a lot about my abusive parents in past posts on the forum, and moving out was one of the best things because I now get to decide when to see them and for how long - which means that I can leave when things get too much.
Now… Both my parents are self employed, which means that with the UK going into lockdown, both of them have had to put their business on hold, which lead to neither of them having any form of income. Thankfully, my mum isn’t considered high risk, and so can still work, and lucky for her, jobs in supermarkets have popped up everywhere… However, of all the jobs going, she got a job on my department in my store… This means I will be seeing her for anywhere between 4-6 hours each day at work, a place that for the last 5 years has been a place they can’t touch me…
As much as I’m grateful she found a job and can get an income while things are unsteady, I don’t feel comfortable with the thought of working with her like this… I’m already struggling to get myself into work due to my mental health, and this is just making it so much harder… Any advice or tips on how to deal with this and how to get through those shifts I have with her would be awesome… I’m really not sure how to handle this.
I don’t know if I have any advice, just wanting to acknowledge…yeah dude this sucks.
To feel like it was the one safe place from criticism and fueling your self-hatred, and now to feel like the safety blanket has been ripped off the top of that place, and now you’re completely exposed to the scorching of your mom…gosh, man, sucks so much.
What I’ve been trying to do in my life – I have a different problem, mine is kind of a self-imposed criticism versus yours is an external-imposed criticism – but what I’ve been trying to do is to write down the lies that I fear are true about me and write down the truths that I know are true to combat those. One of the lies I believe is that I’m inferior, and one of the things that God helped me discover is that comparison is the foundation of that feeling…and I was feeling worthless compared to a successful partner of HeartSupport, and I was like God – WTH do I do with this feeling I don’t even know how to look at myself any differently except that I am worth less than this person?? And He just said, “It’s not about comparison, it’s about who you are becoming.” I realized that this other person and what they think or their success is completely separate from me…it’s not how I hold value…my journey is about who I am becoming, which doesn’t have anything to do with them. It put blinders on my heart to not feel diverted when I see others who are better than me.
In some senses, it might be helpful to practice a perspective shift like this in your life…put blinders on your heart and not allow your mom’s opinion to define who you are…but to focus on who you are becoming. Are you becoming someone better than yesterday? I’d argue looking over your journey, you are. Look at the evidence! Focus here.
Heck, this could be really good practice for you to start to change your center of worthiness from what others think to more of what you and God are up to in your life.
Ask for a shift change or move to a different department? And I know this may be far fetch… but, start looking for another job.
If you consider your mental health/ happiness number one in your life, like I do.
Then you’ll make all the hard decisions to make sure your mental stays in tack.
I put these three things in order
Personal Health
Relationships/Family
3.Work/Finance
Since my personal health is number 1, I will make whatever necessary changes are needed to make sure that my number 1 is always good.
When I was working my work place wouldn’t hire family to prevent any drama or issues. I know not all places are like that.
I don’t have any advice other than maybe suggest to your advisor to maybe have you guys working on separate areas of the store so you don’t have to worry so much. Maybe?
It doesn’t sound ungrateful to feel that way. I’d be tense to, to be honest
It does suck, like Nate said. But I’m always here for you to vent to when things get tense.