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How do yall find something to live for

i dont ever plan on going through with anything drastic. but right now my life has 0 meaning. i got no friends, no partner, and no passion. I get up every day, i work a miserable career, i come home, and i sit at my desk trying to figure out what i want to do, to get any bit of dopamine running through me. I hate working out, thank god i do sports twice a week. (no the people on my sports teams are not people i’d like to associate with outside of sports). I’ve tried dating apps, im kind of piss ugly so that doesnt work. Going out to bars and stuff puts me in the wrong atmosphere of people. All i’m trying to do is find a hobby that i enjoy with a community of people i can become close with. I’ve tried so many gaming communities and each of them so far has been not what i’m looking for. I’m, truly at my wit’s end although i could never actually go through with ending myself, i sure do imagine what it would be like sometimes.

(this is easily by far the most down bad post i’ve made on here i think and i hate myself for even doing it. but sadly i got no one else man. All the loneliness, the sadness, the boredom, and the stress has just continued to build and build and build. but i’ve been strong enough to make it this far without complaining right? whats a little longer…)

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First off there is no such thing as a bad post. This is what this community is for. I can understand a bit where you are coming from. I only live for my kids, but besides that I feel absolutely lost. One thing that I found helpful is a tomato plant that I’ve grown and keep manipulating into living and growing. I kinda relate to it. Have alive and half dead, but if I can keep the plant going then I feel like I can keep going (most of the time). I find peace in taking care of a tomato plant. So off topic, but maybe find a hobby so stupid that you actually enjoy it.

As far as friends/family/dating, the world is a hard place to live in right now and it’s even harder finding trustworthy people to open up to especially when you’re dealing with mental health issues they cannot understand. It sounds so basic, but take your time finding someone and take this time to find yourself. Don’t let others’ actions define you in these hard times. You’ll sit there and hurt yourself trying to push to find someone. I know this from experience. Right now as much as I would love a companion, it’s not cathartic to my current state of mind. I hope you find something to help you in this time because I recently found out that the idea of just wanting to stay asleep forever is a passive suicidal ideation and can lead to lack of self-care and eventually suicidal thoughts. No one should get to this point in life. Hold fast friend. Also I have an open inbox where we can talk whether big or small.

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From: twixremix

hey lee,

thank you for sharing this update and taking the time to write out how things are going for you. love your celebi icon btw! lemme say as well that it’s okay to be down bad here, we’re all in this together, working to better ourselves and helping each other up in the process. so please know you can always post anything you need to vent about or ask for advice on here, we got your back!

when it comes to finding something to live for and even connecting with a community, it’s really dependent on whether others are also looking for community. you’ve already worked through a lot of the scenarios on how to find your solution (like going to bars, gaming communities, dating apps, etc.) but in my opinion, a lot of it is luck, yaknow? like sure, there are cool people at bars and in gaming communities but they might not be there at the time you go or they’re in a different location. i would say keep trying at it but i understand how burnt out you probably feel through all this. online communities have always been my own safe space to find like-minded friends and communities - these can start out as text/call communications and then you can meet up irl if that’s what you’re aiming for? i don’t know where i’d be without my online friends, most of them being people i met when i was in middle school and now we meet up yearly. you know your individual needs though so i hope offering my own experience could help open any extra doors? all in all, i wish you all my best in your journey to find something and someone to live for, aside living for yourself and the incredible love you do/can give to this world.

love,
twix

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Hello there,

It sounds to me that you have a lot of thoughts going on in your brain. I think a lot of people can relate to parts of this post. One main thing that stuck out to me after reading this post was the part about dating apps. Yes, there can be some sort of protection because you can swipe right or swipe left without getting attached in any way…but there also is the lack of connection at times when you start chatting with someone & it doesn’t happen the way you think it would happen. I delete & redownload dating apps all the time because I feel like I am ready for something, but I will feel defeated because someone I start chatting with only wants a hookup or something casual. You have to be assertive & decide what you are wanting from those types of interactions. I also feel like you are being too hard on yourself. Give yourself some credit, because you do have a job & a home…that’s an amazing thing to have in this world that we live in. We are our own worst critics & we need to be kinder to ourselves.

You are important. You are valid. You are enough. You matter.

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

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Hey Lee,

It sounds like you have a pretty firm handle on what you’re looking for, and how you want to go about getting it. You covered career, hobbies, health, dating, and social life. So, it seems a bit like you’re just frustrated in the results you’re getting out of your efforts. Which I can’t blame you for. Why?

Because this shows that you have a good set of standards that you seem to be holding for yourself, and you’re not content on just being content.

Being down, sad, depressed, etc, can keep building up in you, especially if you’re seeking something with genuine effort, and not finding the results you’re hoping for. It’s OK to complain about that. Especially (in my opinion at least), because you are putting genuine effort into improving your situation, not just sitting around and hoping it will get better. So, vent away, friend. If that’s what you need right now.

The last few years have been rough for social and dating efforts. As the world comes back to a somewhat-normal state, I have hopes that things will get better, and you’ll find more and more meaningful connections. It may take a mixing of communities, but I am confident your efforts will pay off. Just keep at it.

You got this.

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Hey there Lee,

Wow this topic really resonates with me… I’ve definitely been there, and find myself there every now and then to this day!

I think meaning in life comes in many different forms, and everyone pulls it from different places. Some people live for their friends and family, some for their career, some for their hobbies etc.

Motivation is a fickle emotion, but a wonderful one when it’s working in our favor. Maybe try using the negative emotions you feel now as a means to motivate you into finding something new! If you’re miserable at your job, maybe you can look into new career options or start learning something new! If you find gaming isn’t working for you, maybe try researching a random different hobby each week to see if something clicks! I can’t really speak for you, but from reading your post, it sounds like you’re trying to find a community/friends to relate to as well.

Finding a good community of people is incredibly hard, but once you’ve found them, it can feel really good. I’d recommend just continuing to do what you’re doing now! Follow your interests, whether it’s sports, gaming, or anything else, and keep reaching out and placing yourself in communities around those topics. It could be an online forum, a Discord server, maybe even a local group in your area! Make it your “job” to join these groups to find out if they’re good or not! If they turn out not to be, that’s alright! All you’re there to do is figure out if it’s a good group for you! As for dating, I’m a firm believer in the idea that by following your interests, you’ll find people you mesh with, make friends, and potentially find a partner as well!

If you want my personal view on the meaning of life, I believe that it doesn’t necessarily have or need to have a meaning. It might sound sort of depressing, but IMO it’s actually freeing. Nothing is determined for me, there is no succeed/fail at life, BECAUSE there’s no prescribed way it’s supposed to be. I have the freedom to do whatever I want because of that! Dunno if that works for you too, but I’m happy to expand on that if it sounds relatable :slight_smile:

Keep at it, and I’m sure you’ll find something that clicks with you!

Best wishes,
Kiwi

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thank you everyone. all of your replies mean so much to me. It’s tough to find closure when my problems are so open ended. Especially since im such a “one right answer” type of person. I just hope the happiness i seek is near.

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