i dont ever plan on going through with anything drastic. but right now my life has 0 meaning. i got no friends, no partner, and no passion. I get up every day, i work a miserable career, i come home, and i sit at my desk trying to figure out what i want to do, to get any bit of dopamine running through me. I hate working out, thank god i do sports twice a week. (no the people on my sports teams are not people i’d like to associate with outside of sports). I’ve tried dating apps, im kind of piss ugly so that doesnt work. Going out to bars and stuff puts me in the wrong atmosphere of people. All i’m trying to do is find a hobby that i enjoy with a community of people i can become close with. I’ve tried so many gaming communities and each of them so far has been not what i’m looking for. I’m, truly at my wit’s end although i could never actually go through with ending myself, i sure do imagine what it would be like sometimes.
(this is easily by far the most down bad post i’ve made on here i think and i hate myself for even doing it. but sadly i got no one else man. All the loneliness, the sadness, the boredom, and the stress has just continued to build and build and build. but i’ve been strong enough to make it this far without complaining right? whats a little longer…)