What do you think you know about me!? This is all I am! I have high hopes even though I’m powerless; I have all these dreams even though I’m dumb; I keep trying even though I can’t do anything! I hate myself! I’m always nothing but talk! I’m worse than useless, but I’m still a world-class complainer! Who the hell do I think I am?! How dare I live such a shameful life this long?! I’m empty. I’ve got nothing inside me. I’ve been lucky to have so much freedom but I didn’t do anything… I didn’t do one little thing! With all that time to do it! With all that freedom! I should have done lots of stuff, but I didn’t do anything! And this is the result! The man I am now is the result! I’m powerless, talentless, and all of it, all of it, is because of my rotten personality! I want to achieve something when I haven’t done anything, I’m lazy and imposed on other people; I wasted my whole life away, I just went through the motions. I’m just a poser trying to justify myself. I wanted to say, I couldn’t help it! I wanted other people to say it couldn’t be helped! That’s all it was! I’m a small, underhanded, filthy guy down to the bone, always worrying about what other people think of me, and none of that’s ever changed!
I’m sorry you feel this way about yourself, but it is never too late.
There are 24 hours in a day. When you wake up tomorrow, you have the power to decide how to use those 24 hours. Will you choose to keep on this path? Or perhaps you can take that time to forge a new path.
Any step in the right direction is a good step.
Maybe take the time to search for something that you like about yourself. It can be as minute as your eye color or whatever. As long as it’s something. Work your way up from there. Show yourself grace. Changing your perception of who you are will take time, but, even if you don’t believe it at first, keep listing things that you even slightly like about yourself and eventually it will get easier.
Decide who you want to be. Do you want to be more outspoken? More of a risk taker? Someone with better work ethic? It’s hard to start a journey without a destination sometimes. So take some time to figure out what kind of person you want to be eventually and go from there. Speak your mind. Go out of your comfort zone. Do some chores even if you don’t want to. Eventually it can come together, but thats a choice you have to make.
Good luck. The sky’s the limit.
I don’t want to be in control every decision I make is a mistake I want someone else to take control of me. Everything was so much better when I didn’t have think about every little decision I need to make.
Maybe try doing something you wouldn’t normally do then?
Like what I don’t understand.
From: SuchBlue
Hi lonelyfreak,
It seems like a lot of people are bringing your confidence down and you are underestimating you good of a person you are. Not everyone thinks that you are as bad as others think you are and one of those people who think that you are a good person should be yourself. A rotten personality is one who makes others think that they have a rotten personality, not the people who are told so. There are also Action Groups in HeartSupport’s discord (https://discord.gg/heartsupport) which can definitely help you if you feel like you need more people to help you support you through this. Do what you believe will make you feel better about yourself, stay strong and stay positive 
From: ManekiNeko
what are the things that have built up that has led you to believe that you are as you said “more than useless”. I don’t believe anybody has deserved that term to be placed upon them, and it’s a dangerous game to keep labelling yourself as such. You do have qualities to you that can be shared and can get you to where you’d like to be. So where would you like to be in life? You don’t have to jump right in to HUGE tasks and make your mind up in finality. Just start small and it’ll get easier to keep pushing forward. Change your mind about what you want to do, but commit to what you change to. For example I think you mentioned in a previous post about wanting to get healthier but only having your weights and places to walk. Change up your routine a little- put the weights in a backpack and go for a shorter walk! It’s amazing how much difference even a little extra weight feels when you walk. I hope you’re feeling better about yourself!
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hey Friend, I hear you. I want to tell you that I have been where you are so many times and its so hard to get beyond a certain point when you want to change your life and you either just get past it or you just cant and for me I very rarely got past it and yes I too felt like you do but as I look back on that with hindsight none of that is true, I was not a loser and neither are you, its bloody hard making big changes in your life and each time you think “this is it” maybe its not but one time it will be, one time you wont stop, everything will fall in to place but for that you have to keep trying, the only time you lose is the time you stop trying. As for desicion making, I make lists of the good points and bad points of things i need to decide, If the good points is longer I pick that side and visa versa. Everything in life is trial and error but each and everything is a lesson that we learn and this reply is to teach you that you have support here from us and that you are not a loser an idiot or any other of the negatives you have chosen to land yourself with. You are a beautiful human being who wants nothing more than to better themselves and with time and help you will do just that. Please dont give up. I wish you well friend. Much Love Lisa xx
From: eloquentpetrichor
Hey, friend! I’m sorry you are feeling so down about yourself it sounds like you’ve been dealing with these feelings for a long time. I’m sorry you feel this way about yourself but I don’t think you are being fair to yourself. You want to be healthier. You want to try. That right there is a win. You just need some help reaching your goals.
I know you said in your last post that you’ve already given up on trying to get healthy again but you only tried it for a week. I can take a few weeks of really trying in order to get into a rhythm and I hope you try again and let yourself take smaller steps to slowly improve your health. Getting healthier especially after years of bad habits is no easy task and it isn’t something you can do immediately or rapidly. It’s a marathon not a race. You can start with a walk around the block every day. Get a cheap pedometer or pedometer app. My mom uses Accupedo. Or even get a fancy fitbit if you have the money. Mine has helped me track my health a lot and the app has things that can help motivate you. Track your steps and slowly increase how much you walk each day. Reward yourself for reaching certain landmark step goals.
Eat a new healthy thing each day or choose a glass of water over an unhealthy soft drink. Small things can slowly add up to big changes.
I want to mention that in the HeartSupport Discord there are small groups of people that get together and help each other reach their goals. The are called Action Groups and I have heard they can be really helpful for people like you who want to make steps to improve their lives but struggle with the motivation and accountability required to do so. I hope you think about checking them out. You can find info about them here on the Support Wall or ask me and I’ll help you.
I hope you realise the awesome man who wants to improve that you are. Keep swimming
From: eloquentpetrichor
I also found a website with an AI life coach that may help you with your hatred of making decisions (it looks to be free). Because it sounds like a life coach would really help you right now. The website is Digital Life Coach - Purpose, Balance, Stress AI Mindfulness Assistant
Thank you everyone for the kind words sorry that I let myself get to this state again.
Thank you everyone for the kind words sorry that I let myself get to this state again.
We all have times like these, when everything feels too hard, too painful, too impossible. It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize for being human. Life can be stressful and overwhelming, so it makes sense to have this need sometimes to just crawl in, hide and let life happen without us.
I would like to echo what SuchBlue has recommended in their post about joining an Action Group on the HS Discord server. It could really be a good asset for you in order to figure out which steps to take in the future, and define your own pace at it. You don’t have to try, explore and walk alone. Make sure to have allies by your side - and there are many of them in this community. 
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