How is everyone?

Hi, haven’t been here for a couple weeks because of the stress I’ve been going through. It’s slowly recovering but who’s to say it will get bad tommorow. Since I’m okay for now, idk how long it will last so I’d like to ask how you guys are. I can’t get myself to read more than one or 2 posts because it triggers me. Gotta slowly regain my stability ig, so for now I just wanted to know how everyone is doing. You don’t have to go into detail if your don’t want to, or even respond just wanted to know how everyone has been doing.

Like @echo how’s it going for the stress you’ve been thru? I know you’re going through a really hard time rn so I wanted to know how’s it’s been for you over these past few weeks. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m open to dms btw ^~^

@Paladine have you been feeling better? Was worried when you relapsed and got really depressed again but I still beleive you can do it, just wanted to know how you’re feeling latley. You are cared for and you are heard, you have not been forgotten ^~^

@Mystrose I know you’re going through alot of stuff with your bpd and self awareness, was wondering how that’s been, I relate to it alot and I’d like to know how you deal with it and if you’ve been doing okay with it.

@beth_the_fake_ginger How has it been with church? Has it been handled yet? And do you feel safer? I was really worried for you for a good bit so I wanted to know how things are going now.

@anon48571861 You are always suicidal and constantly going through severe pain and dark thoughts with no break. I’m sure you never get a chance to relax, and I hate that you have to deal with that. Sometimes we just need a break. Idk how you’re doing rn but last I’ve checked you’ve seemed to have changed your perception of reality as a coping mechanism for your depression. I really hope you’re doing okay rn.

@connerm1219 I know you’re going through a breakup, I want you to know you are not alone and you are loved. Time heals all wounds and I hope you can find some peace in your life ^~^

@Derpplup I hope life going well for you, being trans really is tough in this world. Ecspecially if you don’t live in the best places.

@anon21296358 I know you’re going through schizophrenia episodes alot and I just want you to know you are cared for and you are heard. I hope you can get better.

Ok so apparently u cant @ more than 10 users so:

@Micro @SheetMetalHead Wings Ashwell disabledmetalfan Pengyou hope you guys are doing okay as well.

No one has to respond to this ofc, I was just letting you know you aren’t forgotten and you are cared for :slight_smile:

If you’d like to dm me instead that’s okay too. Can’t say I will reply immediately thought since I’m still recovering my own stability.

As for those not on the list, I’ve either couldn’t find your username or I have not yet to see your posts. There are so many of you after all so it’s hard to keep up with which ones I was going to @ and it’s all a jumbled mess of organization lol. I really would like to hear from all of you, as

I was also wondering how all the system posters have been. Haven’t heard from any of y’all in a while so wanted to know if you were still active here. If not I’m sure that means you’re doing much better, as this is a support forum after all.

I am still personally extremely stressed when I think too much about it, but I’m trying not to let empathy get to me. Just seeing someone’s facial expressions is enough to worry me for a good bit.

This kinda became a bit of a ramble, didn’t mean for it to do that so my bad. But yea, you guys are not forgotten, no matter how much you think that. I feel sick rn, I kinda drank 3 cups of coffee with chocalte, sugar, cream, and whip cream in it and nothing to eat so I’m worried what I have done to myself bc I have never had coffee before XD. Only reason I just tried it is bc I haven’t been on meds in a good bit so this is my only chance. So far I regret everything XD

This post is from most of the system, just X typing it out
You are not alone,
-System Irigiad

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how absolutely lovely of you to check in with everyone! Glad to know you’re in a good spot right not, and good to see you!
Thanks to the system for asking about everyone’s wellbeing! :smiley:

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Hi, @Systemofconfusion I’m so happy that you are doing better. I was actually thinking about you the other day and wondered how you were. Thank you for checking in on everyone, you’re such a caring friend.

You would have to ask me how I’m doing and I had to laugh when you asked because I’ve been really struggling with that. I am starting to see things differently and I can grab myself back from the madness in my head better now. The thing tho that I’m struggling with is after I cope and calm down, it just comes back and I have to go thru it all over again. This happens thru out the day, not just a couple times a week. I’m forever in this dialog with myself in my head and I want it to stop. I just want quiet. They say it will happen less and less, but right now it’s just very hard to deal with. There is a lot of shame and guilt to deal with too, it’s not easy.

How do I cope? If I can recognize that I’m triggered I use logic and mindfulness. Asking myself what my fears are right this second, what facts I have to validate those fears, what facts I have that are invalid and after I list those things I ask myself how I see my fears now and how I can go forward fear free to have a healthier outcome. It works, but like I said I have to do this a lot during the day. Then, mindfulness mediation and distractions.

So, I’m not really sure how I’m doing.

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Thank you so much for checking up on everyone like this and it really touches that you remembered my name on here as well. I’ve been doing pretty okay, i’ve been trying to manage my anxiety more so i don’t have as many breakdowns and such plus my sisters been gone for a few days which has really helped :). Sorry to hear that you’re stressed as well. I hope you’re able to overcome that soon. You can DM me if you need anything as well ^^ I hope you feel better soon, and thank you <3

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Hi @Systemofconfusion I’ve been on the emotional roller coaster but I’m doing fine and it’s starting to stabilize a bit. This whole thing is really sweet of you. I’m now ten days clean and my band just won finals. Yay. Thank you for this and you aren’t forgot either. : )

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Hey! I’ve been really stressed and tired between work and, somehow, a whole mess of recreational activities at a level I didn’t hit even before the pandemic. It’s been wearing at my strength. To cope, I’m conserving energy wherever I can, which is why I also haven’t been posting on the Wall as much. I’ve also been going to bed early and letting non-essential household stuff wait.

I had a big win on Friday though–I had an assignment due that I’d been frozen on because I was overwhelmed with where to start and how to get it perfect, and I pushed through to get it done, putting perfectionism aside because this was more of a checkpoint assignment, and did so much work in a short time! I hope I can carry that lesson through, and get the rest of it good enough (not necessarily perfect) in little bits and multiple passes.

I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself @Systemofconfusion! Thanks for checking in, I really appreciate it. I hope you stay well!

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Hi @Systemofconfusion
I love the fact that the whole community keeps a check on each other, Your post is so heart warming to see.
I’m sorry you have had a bad couple of weeks friend but yes you are right “who does say it will be bad tomorrow?” I hope tomorrow is a one of the good days for you. I responded because you made my day today a better day by posting that wonderful post so thank you.
Much Love
Lisa :heart:

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Hi Systemofconfusion
Honestly right now… Feeling kind of numb. I just sort of exist. Yesterday was really good but today is just meh. Right now I feel like crying a bit and I dont know why. I want to feel something. I feel like I am keeping my head above water for no reason and swimming leads me nowhere. The worst thing is my life is kind of ok right now and I still feel like this. I honestly think the numbness is worse than the pain. I started thinking about self harm again but I am excercising which gives me enough pain. I would rather be in pain then numb. But as I said I am doing better. Thanks for asking. I am glad that you are doing better to. If you need to talk just ask. :upside_down_face:

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You’re so kind @Systemofconfusion. So far I’ve never seen this sense of sub-community on the Wall. It’s amazing to see that happening lately. Love it so much.

Thank you for checking on everyone. It’s very thoughtful and kind of you.

I’m personally struggling between a wave of grief yet numbness, health issues that make me really tired physically, and a constant sensory overload. Though I’m going to the ocean tomorrow for a couple of days, and really looking forward to being there. Even if silence and solitude are a challenge to me (I always need noises and distractions so I don’t really feel), I need to feel disconnected and away from everything. Hope it will be recharging and not exhausting. If I enjoy it, I might make it a habit from time to time. I try not to feel guilty for doing something only for me and putting money in it. Gonna be the goal for next week. :slight_smile:

I was thinking of you lately. Looking forward to seeing you on SWAT Team in the future (if you are comfortable with it, still - no pressure). It’s good to have some news from you, and I hope you keep taking good care of yourself. You know how to reach out to me if needed. Stay safe, friend. :hrtlegolove:

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Lol my bros were gonna answer this bc my brain is kinda all over the place rn and it’s hard to absorb things without the sensory overload, but these posts kinda warmed my heart so I’mma try to answer them too.

@Mystrose in all honesty we are a walking time bomb sometimes, at least Xaii is. He’s terrified constantly, as always, because he doesn’t tell any of us what’s wrong half the time, but I’m starting to get him to open up to me! We are starting to wonder if he counts as a protector headmate, because he always deals with the bad stuff, but he shouldn’t. Anyways! I think we are all struggling, that’s why we’re here after all XD
We understand the coping and going through it all over again situation and dialoug stuff. Xaii does this all the time, while we just wanna chill and hangout. He does this pretty much every hour of every day if he doesn’t have anyone to distract him enough. I hope it gets better for you, I had no idea it was capable of happening less and less, we are just starting to assume there is no cure except hiding from the world.
What sucks for us is we have alot of facts to validate the fear, so it’s the matter of “what do we do to prevent it from happening again or protect ourselves” and then Xaii panics ._. (we just zoned out for a good 5mins worrying about something stupid.)
I’m sorry you are unsure, we feel that way all the time too. Do you get that thing where when you’re around people that make you happy you feel so much better until they’re going again? This happens to us alot, which is why we have to always stick together.

-Kio

@echo
Hiii!!! Yea, we’ve… Been really worried about you
:c
We are really glad to hear your sisters aren’t there, and I hope managing it is going okay, we aren’t too good at that heh! :sweat_smile:

Niko~

X: One thing I’ve noticed is that people think when they post things that people will just forget about them and stop caring just because they haven’t posted in a while or just aren’t there. Truth is none of you can be forgotten. We will still think about you and wonder how you are, no one can just forget you. Your existence and impact in someone’s life can’t just vanish that easily.
I’m very glad you have had a break from those horribly toxic people, I hope the light in your life can be restored, even if it is for a bit.

@Paladine omg 10 days?! Omg I’m so proud of you!!! (˘︶˘).。*:heart: idk what your band thing is but that’s awesome! Just remember that it’s a part of recovery, even if you relapse that doesn’t mean anything bad, it’s expected to happen. That’s what most people don’t understand about depression and other mental issues. I had a friend a few years ago who compared me to a drug addict because I’d tell her how I was getting better and every now and then would relapse and get better again. Each time it becoming more and more spaced for each time I’d relapse. She didn’t understand that, some people just don’t get it because they don’t understand it or it’s just too emotional for them to go through trying to understand, so I just wanted to remind you that it doesn’t mean you won’t get better, because I know I would have appreciated that validation back then <3
I am here for you. You are heard and you are understood ^~^
-X

Hi! I’m glad you’re doing better, bad stuff can be scary, and it can make our emotions go haywire and we do things we don’t really want for ourselves, it’ll be okay tho! Because it gets better :slight_smile:
Keep taking those steps, you are never alone! ^~^
~Niko ^w^

@SheetMetalHead I feel you on the tired part, I never get a break to rest because my family thinks resting equals being lazy. It’s good you’re finding a way to deal with it, and it’s awesome you were able to get past your checkpoint! I personally can’t do that, I have come to terms I may just not be ready for college because of my constant mental health issues, and I will most likely fail because of my mental issues. Medicine seems to not help me either, so I have stopped. I want to be free from medicine for once, I’m just so tired of it. I would love to be able to finish and push thru my assignments like that but that’s usually Kio’s thing and everyone has been a jumbled mess in the head latley because of said issues. I am trying my best to keep everything in order and we are all trying to help eachother out in taking care of ourselves with our own personal issues.
Keep up the work m8! You can pass that shit! :slight_smile:

@Lisaw1973 hey, I’m glad to warm people’s day along with mine, I really am worrying about people latley tho, not just here but work and school and humanity in general. I care about people too fucking much and it drives me insane. I’ve noticed that no one gets a break, and I know how detramentally that can affect mental health, which is why I’m worried for everyone. I hate seeing it man. I hate seeing people having to suffer with the same issues or just life in general. If there was just a way to make it better uk? Like everyone is under stress all at once, and what I’ve noticed from that over the years is that it really makes you go insane. Like under too much stress, you mentally really start thinking or doing shit you wouldn’t normally do, and that’s what worries me, because I’m seeing so many people around me latley go through that. My boss is exaughsted because there isn’t enough people working there, my coworkers are exaughsted because they have to work the said over hours because of there not being enough people. People not taking said jobs seriously. At school my teacher had to deal with almost being likely murdered in an Uber on her way to school (I can give this man’s information if needed I would love to see him rot in prison if he’s gonna choose to live the rest of his life like that. But there’s a whole rabbit hole with him too because the whole reason he went crazy is because of stress, and no one is doing anything for these people.) students being overworked with no extra credit or pay or anything, my friend is sick to the point where she had to stay home because she was coughing so much she threw up, my other friend is giving up on school like me, my other friend dealing with the stalker, hearing the past stories of people in the military and how traumatizing it was for them, my sister making dumb decisions while being pregnant and getting sick which made me panic for her and the baby for a good bit, worried about my own shit, I’m, pretty much worried about everything really lol. The things I’ve seen humanity can be capable of gives me this fear I guess. In the past I thought maybe it would teach me to realize the worlds reality and accept that it will never change, but all it really made me do is fear the world more and at the same time want to fix it. Desperately trying to find a way to help people while slowly feeling more and more that there is no hope for humanity and retreating into my own created world. Still, I’m glad I could make your day, because it’s every little step that counts.
-X

@Ashwell Being numb isn’t fun, we were numb once and it’s a sort of terrifying experience. Do you know why you feel numb today compared to yesterday? And if you could go anywhere you wanted out of the water where would it be? Just think about it and give yourself some times to relax. Have you been eating something differently latley? Or taking a new medication? If not you could talk to your therapist about it if you have one, or a psychiatrist. I’m sorry that pain is the only answer for you, I wish I could give you a hug, I’m glad you’re doing better though ^~^
-X

@Micro I’m really glad I joined this community, funny story, I joined because Kitboga called me out during one of his streams and told me about you guys. They are a very loving community and his videos are SO FUCKING HIALRIOUS XD
What’s funny is my username tho :joy:, I’m not saying it but if you ever knew my username in the discord server last yr that’s what it was in the stream so when he called me out it almost sounded like a joke :rofl::rofl::rofl:
But yea he’s an amazing person and really funny! I honestly don’t think I would’ve never heard about your community if it wasn’t for him.
Idk what life is like for you to feel like that right now but I offer my hand if you ever want to talk about it :blush:
I get the sensory overload, it’s way too much for me, so I always gotta switch out or talk it out with someone, which doesn’t always really do anything. And ocean trip sounds AWESOME! I love the ocean ecspecially when it’s clear and gets really deep and the creatures get bigger and scarier the farther you go down ( ╹▽╹ ) tho that’s not really in this world that I’m talking about, more so my innerworld you see that stuff and it’s really freaky ( °^°)
You should try sitting under water at the bottom and looking at the sky, I love doing that, it’s so quiet and calming so no distractions, and you touch your hand up to the light and breach the surface and feel all the chaos, bring you hand back under and it’s all quiet and safe again. I’m glad you’re taking some time for yourself, go for it! :3
We are very looking forward to SWAT, hopefully stability will be back on track by the time the team starts up again. My headmates really look forward to it as well and want to introduce themselves since they never get to be open about existing to other people than anyone in the plural community and me. We really look forward to interacting with the outside world in any way, just being known is enough to reassure us. I know half of us want our own body half the time because we make the other look stupid (looking at you Niko ( °^°) ) and we just don’t like seeing a body we don’t actually have.
We will be continuing trying to work with all this daily chaos. As well as accepting the things we may not be able to fix, and trying to live with it.
We are always here to listen, and talk too!- but we are shy .____.
-X

Lol this was a long post, took a few hours but that’s okay lmao, it’s better than worrying about stuff. Always noticed that once I have someone to talk to or have fun with I’m immediatly happy and stop worrying for however long until they leave or bring up a trigger. Ofc, that’s probably a result from past seperation trauma, but idk how else to feel happy sometimes. And attachments and art are all I know when it comes to happiness which, I, probabllyyyyyy need to tell a therapist about??? Tho they don’t see that side of me because I am always actively trying to avoid people for reasons like this.

Anyways have a nice night everyone! We are headed to bed to fail another test tommrrow ._.

-System Irigiad

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Awesome post, BogaHey :smiley: Boga Fam high five

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it makes me really happy to know somebody remembers who i am. thank you, genuinely. i appreciate it a lot.

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You have a lot going on haven’t you? believe me I really do know where you are coming from, but you do also need to think about you, I like you see it on here and worry about people that care about others all the time, I worry that they don’t look after themselves so I make a point of looking out for them a bit more however you cannot take on everyone elses problems and your own, there has to be a time when you stop and say “my mind is holding enough and cant hold anymore at the moment” it took me years and a lot of health problems to learn that and then i went through a long time where I felt nothing and I think (I think?) I know my limits and all that comes with age, experience and medication lol. I would love you to know your limitations, it wont stop you caring but it does allow you to prioritize the things you can change and the things you cant because if you cant change it, then worrying is pointless.
I may be waffling now but I’m just trying to help a bit from my own experiences. always happy to talk if you want to send me a DM anytime.
Take care for now.
Lisa

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@Systemofconfusion

Thank you :hrtlegolove: I hope that Xaii can begin to open up with his fears because I know that he will be supported and loved.

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Thanks for remembering and thinking of me! I kinda have been at a weird place with that whole situation, but me and the church kids have been safe. But it’s been an off and on battle, and it’s been hard to figure out what needs to happen next. I have been off the support wall myself for stress reasons, so I kinda relate with you there. I wish you well in finding good, healthy ways to deal with the stress.

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