I lost a really good hockey teammate of mine 15 months ago he was like a brother to me and was always there through thick and thin. The grieving process is still happening and people keep telling me to move on and to get over it. Have I been grieving to long? How can I move on from this it feel next to impossible to do so.
First I want to say thank you so much for reaching out. I want you to know that your story matters. That you are loved, you are wanted, and you are needed and please don’t ever believe any differently. I’m so glad that you found the courage to reach out and open up.
I’ll be honest with you Adam I too have heard this phrase a lot, especially recently and it frustrates me so much. There is no expected time to grieve. There’s no rule of grieving that says oh you can only grieve “x amount of time”. You know how they say grieving is a process, well let me tell you, that it is.
Here’s the five steps of grieving
- Denial: “No, it can’t be.”
- Anger: “Who’s responsible?” “How did this happen?”
- Bargaining: “I would do anything to have them back.”
- Depression: “I can’t go on.”
- Acceptance: “There was nothing I could have done.”
Although I’ve said that there’s no amount of time that you should be “done grieving” over this person by, what I do want to tell you is that you definitely want to be working towards healing and grieving in this situation. Sometimes it’s easy to just sit in the pain, and to be sad, which is okay to some extent but we also want to make sure we work towards that finally stage of acceptance, and being able to say “This really hurts that he’s gone, and I really cared about him a lot, but I can be okay.” Now mind you I didn’t say get over it, because grief isn’t something you can just get ever. But I believe, and I pray that you can heal from this and find peace in this situation.
Please remember that you are loved, you are valued, your story matters and so do you.
Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,
Those five stages of grieving they talk about? Don’t forget that it’s not a linear process. Denial could be the 4th stage for you. You can arrive at acceptance and then go back to another stage and find yourself in anger… there’s no set time on grieving. A lot of the grieving process depends entirely on the situation also - a loved one who led a long and full life might be one you mourn for a shorter period of time than a teammate who you maybe feel didn’t get to live his life to the fullest.
I highly encourage you to find a grief specialist - this could be a counselor, therapist or even a church pastor - to understand where you’re at right now and how to get where you want to be in the healthiest possible way while still holding the memory of your loved one close to your heart and honoring them.
Have you tried reaching out to any local churches? One of the churches around me had a grief recovery class and I took it and it helped out alot I had been grieving for about 4 years so I dont believe there is something about grieving for to long, everyone has there own time to move past things
Hello Adam Sorry for your loss and I offer my condolences I hope you can have peace in this difficult time. If you need to talk I am here .