When I was seven years old my grandmother told me how my dad died.
Hey friend. I see you are posting a lot of subjects. Maybe talking about everything on your mind in one post may help us better respond and keep track of what is going on. You’re welcome to share whats on your mind whatever that may be. Or experiences you have gone through.
I’ve read your different topics. Thank you for sharing. You’ve been dealing with such difficult things… I’m glad you managed to come here and shared about it. Hope it helps, to let this out of your chest, to get some perspective over how you feel.
Indeed, don’t hesitate to post all of it in one message, even if it’s about different subjects, so it’s easier for the people who read you to be aware of what’s going on and to support you.
First and foremost, friend, I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. It’s really difficult to lose a parent to suicide and at such a young age. My heart goes to you. I don’t know how your grandmother told you about this, which words she used, but I can only imagine the shock you had at this moment. I don’t know either how you all dealt with this loss in your family, but I want you to know that this wasn’t your fault, and it’s absolutely normal to miss your dad. It has been a traumatic event in your life, and as you didn’t share about how you handle this on a daily basis, I really hope you manage to take care of yourself, as much as possible.
Your dad is not here physically, but he’s still here in your mind and your heart. Somehow, those we miss keep living through us, through who we are and how we interact with this world. Do you have memories of him? Thoughts about him you would like to share here?
On the matter of schizophrenia, what you’re experiencing sounds to be scary and it makes totally sense to feel stressed. I’ve never been through the same, and I can only imagine how exhausting it could be to deal with the voices you described. I also understand why you may be scared about acting up on what those voices are saying. But the very fact that you can talk about it, get some perspective on this and acknowledge how it makes you feel is important. It’s a huge strength that you have, and a very healthy reaction. It’s a way to protect yourself. You’re gonna be okay.
Do you receive some professional support to help you handle this and talk about it on a regular basis? (therapy/counseling) If not, and if you can consider it, I can only encourage you to give it a try, as it could allow you to talk about it in a safe place, without any judgment, and receive some insights and solid support. This community is here to listen as well and support you as much as possible.
Friend, don’t forget that despite how overwhelming dealing with schizophrenia can be, there’s no diagnosis that would ever define you. It’s part of your reality, but you are more than this. Don’t ever doubt your worth because of this. You’re a person, you’re existing, you matter.
Sending much love your way.