You know the truth is we all done something in our past at one time or another where you hurt someone you loved by the things we have said to them or lied or whatever it may be right ! I struggle with if someone who says they have forgiven you and the say they are a child of god why do they throw up almost every thing you done wrong in there past . I know god says to forgive and forget though the easiest part is to forgive the hardest part is to forget . It’s hard when you do someone wrong and you wanna try to do the right thing though the one person who has forgiven seems to never let you live it down . I know it’s done in the past though if I am crazy or my thinking is wrong please someone tell me If my line of thinking is wrong here though how can 2 people heal and move on when one who has been hurt the other has done wrong the person who is hurt keeps bringing it up when she gets mad or angry it’s like one person is trying to keep score and never let it go at the same time the person who did the wrong is getting beaten over the head making them feel worthless and useless and doesn’t have a care in the world if he would wake up in the morning or not . It just seems it’s one sided it’s hard when you don’t have someone to talk to and your depression is already at an all time high . It’s like I’m walking around trying to find my place in this world and when I think I have it gets knocked away from me . There are days I don’t wanna live I know I have a lot to leave behind though I won’t take my own life though I don’t have a care in the world if something would take me away from this world because the pain is to much to bear at times
First off, welcome to HeartSupport! You’re in the right place.
They haven’t really forgiven you, they’re either trying to move on from the situation or fool themselves into thinking they’re over it.
Biblical forgiveness is HARD. I did an exercise on this a few months ago. John 3:16-17 says “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” The premise was that if God forgave the world, or more precisely everybody in it, then shouldn’t we too? It then went on to take out “the world” and put in blanks to write a person’s name.
This is way more than saying “I forgive you,” and a lot of people who “forgive” those around them really haven’t been taught the depth of that concept.
It’s important to understand all the things forgiveness is and isn’t:
–Forgiveness IS NOT forgetting. Time doesn’t heal all wounds all by itself.
–Forgiveness IS NOT trust. You have to earn that back.
–Forgiveness IS NOT reconciliation. You can release the hurts against you, but you don’t have to have a relationship–or even a dialogue–with the people who have hurt you. They also don’t owe it to you to own up to their wrongdoing.
–Forgiveness IS NOT excusing what was done. It’s still important to acknowledge the hurt that was inflicted.
–Forgiveness IS NOT absolving you of your consequences. For example, forgiving a criminal who harmed you doesn’t negate his punishment.
–Forgiveness IS a pact between her and God. She can tell you she forgives you, but real forgiveness is her acknowledging her hurts to God and then letting them go. It’s something for her, not for you, unless she shares it.
–Forgiveness IS really letting go of the past. If she really forgives you, she forfeits using things against you and puts any judgment in God’s hands.
You may have to come to terms with the fact that she hasn’t truly forgiven you yet. It may be a good thing to have a calm, rational discussion about, but it’s also solely her business. You cannot control how she thinks, feels, or acts. You can control how you feel and how you handle it, including how much you stick around and accept the berating.
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