I wonder why I didn’t notice what was going on. Im so stupid why would i not notice that my ex best friend for 10 years! Was using me. Everyone was telling me but i wouldn’t believe them. I saw the good in her but i lost my self waiting for her to change. but all she did was make fun of me the last few days we were friends and i was really getting sad/mad about how she’s talking about me like that. she was acting like i was some sort of stranger one day and the other like I killed her loved ones, then she goes back to normal. I hate that attitude I don’t like it at all it makes me feel so small sometimes. one time we were fighting and she was in the wrong so that means I should be mad and grumpy at her but no she didn’t talk to me for 3 days! Although she was wrong. But me I’m too nice sometimes and I went and apologized witch is not what i was supposed to do. and then I argued with her again because she was being really mean and i had enough. we were talking about college and she asked me what do u want to be. I said “i really want to be a firefighter but if that doesn’t work out maybe something into film”. no joke she looked up and down at me and said “ Pssh do you even have a future”. That broke me into pieces hearing that from a best friend. I looked at her and left. That was 2 months ago she didn’t think about apologizing still she didn’t talk to me. she only texted me and said “it’s a problem when you don’t compare between a joke and me being serious”. And I don’t think that’s how you approach a best friend when they are mad at you. And i need your help if I should give up on her and get her out of my life witch is what is happening right now or i should give her one more chance. I’m a nice person I forgive the people i care about. she hurt me a lot with her words and sometimes she physical. I don’t know what to do I don’t want our friend group to be spilt up because of my decision. We tend to forget our choice do effect people too. so I’m in this situation and I don’t know what to do.
Ray,
So much loss, losing a friend of 10 years, potentially is a monumental blow to anyone. The thought of breaking it off would be painful alone, but knowing that she’s been so mean must really hurt. I’m sorry that this is happening to you.
When I read your post title, “how much pain do you have to go through until giving up is okay?” I have to admit that my first thought wasn’t about the loss of a friend but the thought of letting go of your life, ie. committing suicide. I hope I’m not reading too deeply there, but if you do feel that way - you are in the right spot to find a supportive community, which I see from your post history.
As @anon17277947 pointed out on your other thread:
- https://www.crisistextline.org/
-
https://calmharm.co.uk/
are both great resources and should be used as needed.
Relationship wise though - finding why you need to change her would be a good start. Ultimately we need to be friends (and in romantic relationships) with people that accept us for who we are without forcing us to change, nor us to change them.
Knowing what your limits are as a person, what your wants and desires are and what you value system is very important to having a healthy relationships.
If this ‘friend’ doesn’t hold the same value system as you and she is belittling you in order to bolster herself, then perhaps she doesn’t hold the same values you do - or there’s something else going on. Likely, she’s hurt that you may be leaving and disrupting the social circle and/or bettering yourself.
My vote is - it’s time to move on.
At this point, given the time frame you’ve outlined of two months, now would be a good time to start building yourself back up again without her. Ultimately you need a strong foundation before you can start and seeking a therapist to help you along the way would be helpful.
Some perspective -
If you’ve been friends for 10 years, that makes you around 17 and you all have been friends since you were 7’ish. That’s a really long time and through some of the most formative years of your life. She may be mad at you for leaving, she may be mad because she doesn’t feel that she has the same abilities you do - so she’s taking it out on you, belittling you - a jealousy of sort so she’s lashing out.
Regardless, that’s not a healthy engagement for you or her. Time may heal those wounds. Leaving for college is difficult for social dynamics but a needed stress - those bonds will reform, or they won’t. You’ll make new friends later on in college but none like the ones you had in the past.
I’m a mental health professional and streamer and we picked your post tonight to review on stream. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. We will respond as this post gets more hits etc. feel free to PM or respond her directly as needed.
<3 DrDyaus
Here is a link to our discussion on stream tonight regarding your post - https://www.twitch.tv/videos/598146565
@Ray, I’m sorry you’ve been in this situation. It’s really tough. And from an outsider perspective, I can only agree with @DrDyaus: it’s time to move on. It seems that this person doesn’t treat you well, never questions what thet do or say, never apologizes or hears what you have to express. Communication and respect has to be mutual.
But I also want to add: it’s not your fault. Even if others were telling you she’s been abusive with you, it’s not that easy to perceive this kind of behavior when you’re involved in the situation. You know, it’s like when someone experience a burn-out and people ask: hey why didn’t you leave your job before? Or when a woman is abused by her husband: why didn’t you leave him earlier? It’s not that easy. There are a lot of elements, emotions, feelings at play in this kind of situation. So I can only repeat it, for now and times to come: it was not your fault. 
You are loved. And you deserve to be shown that you are loved and cared for.
We’re here to support you as much as you need and as much as we can.
Hold fast.
Hey, you are not stupid. You know I was best friends with someone for 18 plus years and I finally realized that they were not good for me. I knew it for a while but never wanted to fully admit to it. I didn’t want to lose my friends. I didn’t want to feel alone.
I’m very sorry that you lost your friend. That they were using you. That really sucks.
I think that Micro and DrDyaus pretty much said it all. They are right, it’s not your fault. Don’t beat yourself up. <3
Just know that you are loved. You are deserving of love. You matter. What you are going through matters. It is okay to feel how you do. And we support you.
If you need a place to connect while you heal and try to move past all of this know that we are open to you. If you haven’t already, you are welcome to join us on discord
You do not have to go about this alone. There is a whole community here.
hugs