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How To Engage my abusive Dad?

Hi

I’m reaching a point where my Dads stabbing me or I’m stabbing him.

If you’ve grown up in a lovey Dovey family, my family experience may feel extreme because most people have no experience with a narcissistic father. They won’t understand what it’s like. Their support and advice are usually terrible. They mean well, but they’re speaking from perspectives and experiences where no abusive narcissistic father was involved. Even if they tell you about a problematic aunt or a criminal cousin, it’s not the same thing.

See I usually prefer a solution that’s mutually agreeable. That’s not how my dad thinks. My dad thrives on the sense of control. It’s his way or the highway, as far as he’s concerned. This isn’t just “being difficult”. It’s abnormal, unhealthy behaviour.

He never listens to me, he’s okay as long as I say what he wants to hear.

But whenever I tell him about my ideas or feelings about topics. He calls me stupid and whenever I try to explain my viewpoint he becomes aggressive ready to kill, basically he tries to make me believe that I’m delusional or crazy. He tells me that I’m wrong when I’m obviously right. He says I’m remembering things wrong or making things up. When, in reality, that’s what he’s doing.

He intimidates me, how he is apparently superior to me because his the dad(even though we re both human beings) and I have a right to say my viewpoints. He recently beat my mum for her disobedience, mum believes him. Unfortunately, I don’t have job so I can’t leave, I’m 23 and I work on my dad’s farm.

Most of the time I feel dismissed, invalidated, or like my needs would not be met, and I expect this from others (and I treat others similarly).

I’m scared of my dad, I see him as threatening somehow, yet also depended on him for survival, I have a hard time trusting anyone somehow.

What do I do?

I guess my dad may love me to the extent that he is capable of loving anyone, but I think real love is not the same as ownership. Real love is when someone loves us for who we are and they want what’s best for us, despite their own needs and desires. Real love is not possessive or controlling. Real love is not selfish. Real love is not about winning.

My Dad seems to be threatened by my happiness and independence from him.

2 Likes

SuperReaderFQ888v,
It was only recently did I learn about narcissism. Via YouTube mostly, but it really helped me to understand, what happened to me. I came to understand that I was the ‘scapegoat’ of the family. Narcissist like to blame, as you know, so I was the one who was blamed, for everything. Narcissist use people, and that is really all they are capable of, at least in my experience. You have a perfect understanding of real love, hold onto that, and try to keep yourself, to yourself, or with other more nurturing people, as much as possible. These guys are real triggers for me, and their ability to gaslight and twist the world around to suit them is stellar. They do ‘love’ but they distort it so it is a tool to use, not an emotion to give. Maybe learning, about this condition your father has, can help you navigate your world with him. I hope so. Peace.