How to get Amber away?

Okay, this one is really dumb. Over the last few nights, a very cute unknown boy keeps representing an image of himself in my mind, someone I named Amber. This is a probably the effect of two things, loneliness, and being an idiot… again. He’s nice up there in my imagination and I really like him, but he needs to go. My past efforts have made me not really care about X much, but now this new imaginary person is manifesting himself in my mind. And do you want to know why he needs to get out? He’s a cute boy, but I am also a boy. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be gay. I’ve been taking with another community about it and they’ve been all like, “you can’t change your sexuality,” but I don’t want to accept that. How do I get it out. My past efforts that worked for X are not working now. What do I do? Also, sorry that this isn’t a real problem. It’s just my umpteenth rant.

Also, if I can get Amber out, what are the chances some other new boy comes in?


Why don’t you wanna be gay? (Just wondering I’m not trying to be judgemental or anything lol)


This reminds me of a story a therapist once told me. He talked about a person that he instructed, “whatever you do today, absolutely do not think about monkeys.” Naturally, thoughts about monkeys popped into his head constantly for the rest of the day.

Similarly, resisting thoughts about this imaginary person, might make him come to mind more often. Your question about getting Amber out, and someone else filling that place, is very astute. I suspect that’s probably what will happen. Having such thoughts doesn’t necessarily mean that you are gay. You may simply want a friend with attributes similar to Amber. It’s possible that you admire something about Amber, and wish to take on those characteristics yourself. By the way, the ability to admire a characteristic in another person means that the same characteristic exists, at least in potential within you.

No one is 100% straight or gay. Sexuality exists on a continuum, and there are more orientations than just straight or gay. Also, sexuality changes and evolves throughout life. Therefore, what a person finds attractive can also change.

Don’t be afraid of your feelings! Don’t hide from them! You are good person, whoever and however you are. Figure out what Amber has to offer. Knowing that might help you understand what it is you really want.


Hi! I’m wondering if talking about this in our forum has had any effect on amber’s presence. It may be too soon to tell. Stay in touch!!

1 Like

I’m going to echo wings with the thoughts that sometimes not wanting to think about something makes us focus on it even more. Like when you think about yawning or see someone yawn and then you can’t help but do it.

You don’t have to be anyone you’re not comfortable being. Having an image in your head of a person doesn’t mean you have to feel or do anything because of it, but you also don’t have to be scared of allowing yourself to just be and feel.
If this person is a comfort to have around, maybe it’s your way of helping cope through that loneliness. It doesn’t make you an idiot by any means.

Do you have someone to talk to about this? Do you think it would help figure out how you’re feeling?


Dear Swix
I’m not sure what community has been telling you that you have no choice. There’s room for choice. You do not need to feel like a prisoner of your dreams. Be kind to yourself.


From: twixremix

hey swix,

i’m really glad you shared this, swix. it’s something important to you, something that’s on your heart and mind - this community is here to support you through whatever you need to talk about! love what wings has shared, i echo it 100% with a special emphasis on sexuality being fluid throughout life and how amber doesn’t indicate anything if you don’t want it to. sure, people can always explore on these thoughts but it sounds like you’re a creative person and created someone really cool! are you interested in drawing? i feel like if you really wanna secure your thoughts, getting amber out into the real world through artistic expression will help him from not taking up all your thoughts. and if not illustrations, let him out through anything you like to do (music, writing, cooking, etc.). wishing you all the best, my fellow wix username pal!



From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello again, Swix :hrtlegolove:
I feel like our minds invent imaginary friends at all times of our lives to fulfill different needs and to help us work through different things we are feeling and dealing with. I know that when I was a freshman I lived in my head a lot trying to understand my place in the world and how I would fit into it in different ways. I wish that I had had someone there to tell me to stop worrying about how I was supposed to belong and fit into the world and just let the world be experienced and explored. So I will be that for you: I feel like you should focus less on your worries about your sexuality and more on what you are feeling and just let yourself feel what you will and accept that. There are so many things in life outside of orientations and relationships. Focus on friendship and on hobbies.

Also sexuality is fluid. And there are so many different kinds of attraction than just sexual or romantic

I hope that you can find ways to embrace life as it comes to you and focus less on what you think you should be feeling or not feeling about X and about Amber and about anyone else who crosses your path. Good luck out there, Swix! And don’t be afraid to keep us posted on your life :hrtlegolove:


Hi there Swix,

Firstly, I’d like to thank you for reaching out here. Nothing that you have mentioned is “dumb”, “idiotic”, “not real”. Again, I want to emphasize that I’m glad that you’re coming here to share.

Sexuality is such a complicated thing to understand. Personally, I’m not much older than you, and I’ve taken the perspective of “I’ll give it my best guess for now and will learn more about myself as I grow”. I believe that a similar philosophy around learning more as you grow could be helpful for you because you really don’t need to figure out your sexuality now! It’s okay not to know!

With that said, any sexuality that you identify with, whether that’s heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, or anything else on the spectrum (or off the spectrum), is 100% okay. I know that it can be so hard to accept our sexualities, and it’s okay to not want to accept our sexualities too! I’ve been there and understand. With that said, I believe that time is the best medicine here. With time, it becomes easier to accept sexualities. If you are interested in sharing, I’d also love to hear more about what your reservations are to accepting a potential sexuality.

Your challenges are real, and you are heard. Thank you for trusting us and for sharing. You’re valued, and I’m glad that you are sharing; please don’t hesitate to come back in the future if you’d like to share more with us.


Think of sexuality as being fluid. Thinking a boy is cute doesn’t mean you have to give up on cute girls if you are attracted to them, too.


Totally true, what Wings said about the monkey. It’s borderline impossible to push something out of your mind with force because the harder you try not to think of something the easier it is to have it pop into your head. For pretty much any kind of bothersome obsessive thoughts, I’d suggest trying some mindfulness meditation type techniques. You can google mindfulness meditation and find a better description or even video walkthrough. But basically, you try to focus on the different things you’re experiencing without labeling anything as good or bad. Just notice what the air feels like on your skin, notice the position of your legs, notice what thoughts pop into your mind, etc. Notice, but try not to judge because during mindfulness meditation the goal is just to pay attention to the sensations and thoughts you’re experiencing, not to fix anything. Fixing is for another time. I’m personally not a fan of meditation in general, and mindfulness meditation sounds a little hokey, but it’s really worked for me in the past for stuff like repeating thoughts/voices, disturbing imagery, ideations, and anxiety. Weirdly, when I finally started allowing those things to be present in my mind, the more they seemed to drift away and some have even stayed away for good. The others come and go but don’t bother me the same.

Also just because it’s something in your mind doesn’t mean it’s not a real problem. It’s something that you’re truly dealing with. You can own it, if you want. :slight_smile:

Even more importantly, your thoughts, emotions, past experiences, etc don’t define who you are or who you will be. That’s all up to you! Thanks for reaching out by posting on here