I want you to know you’re loved, you matter, and you are cared for just for who you are.
Anxiety is a very difficult thing. The coexisting OCD you are talking about makes it so much worse i can imagine.
You talk about the paranoia you have that gets in the way of life. That can be a crushing thing to constantly look over your back, constantly question everything, think everybody is looking at you, things are changing because of what you say, that things are happening just because you said them, and other stuff. It gets so hard not wanting to give in to those thoughts and it’s so hard!
I want to tell you that those thoughts are not who you are. You are more than just that.
Have you talked with a therapist or counselor about this yet? I know there’s a lot of paranoia that comes with anxiety and ocd and finding ways to work through the anxiety and ocd can actually make the paranoia go away.
I know my one buddy wouldn’t mind this being shared so here’s a quick one: my buddy was having a very bad time and was having such bad paranoia and hallucinations that he literally was on a 100+mph speed chase with the police for over an hour. He ended up pulling over safely, but he went to the hospital. He did end up getting better because he began talking to us about what was going on in his life. He is someone i love greatly and I never knew he was having any issues because he always told me he was ok or just “a bit depressed but had a doctor” so I didn’t say much.
So i want you to do well because right now you are ok and you have positive encouragement here. We all love you, care about you and you matter.
Through the rough times, you can always talk. Sorry if it takes a bit for me to reply, i go between my phone, my computer and unfortunately have other things i have to do at times.
One thing i also say that’s a good idea would be to journal what’s going on and take that with you to a first therapy appointment and tell them what is going on. Try not to focus too much on what you believe to be paranoid things going on. Try to focus on the good things in life. In your journal take time out of your day to make a list of good things that happened in your day (like today i went and got a milkshake, or today i got a booster pack of pokemon cards). Those things can keep your mind focused on positive things.
You are so loved, you are deeply cared for and you matter greatly