Back to heartsupport

How to stop being needy

Does anyone know how to not be so needy, I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been starved for attention for so long but I constantly want people to notice me and my friends online to pay attention to me a lot to the point I know that is not good for relationships.


To me, this sounds like you need to pay attention to yourself. You’re so desperate for someone to give you company and love, but what your brain is really saying is that it needs love and validation from you. It’s calling out for attention from others, because it’s insecure about how they feel and being alone with themself, so it is desperate to seek validation from others. But what the real problem is, is that you need you. What you really need is for your brain to know that it can rely on you, and that you won’t judge yourself and that you will give yourself the comfort and care and attention you need to be comfortable with being alone with yourself and loving yourself. So being starved for attention is really the brains way of calling out for help, ofc we all need someone to talk to, I get that, and in those cases of being alone you have to learn how to socialize with people so you can make good friends in the first place, but in order to do that correctly, you have to love yourself and be able to validate your own feelings without requiring someone to judge you themselves, because boundaries and healthy standards from your self love is key to a good, healthy, and longlasting friendship with mutal respect, trust, and effort.

Being needy can be a huge struggle, because we constantly beleive that the reason we are needy is just because we are only alone and lonely, but the reason we are lonely is because we don’t give ourselves enough time of day to validate our feelings and experiences to heal and love ourselves. Feeling that desperate need for someone to talk to you is really painful I know, but if we want good connections with others, we must, above all things, have a good connection with ourself. So if you try this, maybe you’ll find you are happy being with just yourself for a bit, and also feel happy that you are at peace with yourself and can enjoy the time you have doing what you love, for a change.

There is one thing I’ve stated when I was healing from a toxic friendship where I was doing most of the caring and getting abused from it and when abandoned to the curb with just myself to hate and loathe, thinking I deserved punishment, I actually found I finally was happy again for the first time in my life. I wasn’t shitty, I wasn’t stupid, I wasn’t a toy people could just manipulate, I was worth something and I wasn’t actually alone. And I discovered: “When we are alone, when we are truly alone, is when we realize we have ourselves. And in having just yourself, is where you have the chance to experience a real friendship.” Essentially, being alone taught me I was being told horrible things and wasn’t actually all those horrible things, and I learned self love. It was kinda like ripping a band-aid off, as I was in an abusive sort of Stockholm situation, but I was needy from it, and I learned why I was, because I didn’t give myself enough love and attention to realize I didn’t deserve that sort of treatment.

So, learn to love being with yourself, you’re not all that bad you know :3



I don’t know how to love myself though, I always feel that I’m not enough and that I’m weak I don’t know how to change that mindset.


Being the 1 trying to get the attention is difficult but the best to stay quiet even when it’s hard but it’s the best to do so and can help with relationships. I’m not saying you have to stay quiet all the time just have the option to not talk when it can be avoided. Self-love is something I’ve always struggled with but the best way to start loving you’re self is by paying attention to yourself which can be doing simple tasks like Showering regularly, Eating Etc.

1 Like

Hello there, friend :hrtlegolove: I’m sorry you are feeling so needy. It can be tough when you want attention but cannot get it and know you shouldn’t be craving it so much.

I echo Systemofconfusion’s sentiment to try and pay attention to yourself. I know you said you don’t know how to accept and love yourself but I think trying to find a path to doing that would really help you. You are stronger than you want to think just by being here and willing to post this on the wall. It takes a lot to admit things we don’t like about ourselves even if we don’t like ourselves at all.

You have friends, right? What if you make a list of all the reasons you know or think they enjoy being your friend and build off of that? After all the things other people like about you should be things you like about yourself as well, right? Maybe seeing those things written out can help you.

I hope you find a path to some self love and acceptance. Good luck, friend :hrtlegolove:

1 Like

Sorry it seems I never pressed send on this :cold_sweat: sorry about that! Well anyways with the reply:

I’m gonna be honest, I learned the tougher way, by being alone and being isolated and learning to be with myself. By not being around those toxic people the voices of “You’re weak/not enough” eventually vanished. I may have been alone, but I wasn’t alone completely. I had myself to get to know. In your case I would say do things for yourself you wouldn’t normally do, give yourself more credit for things, comfort yourself when you feel bad, and don’t be so hard on yourself. Learn the parts of you that you struggle with and communicate and comfort them, teach yourself you aren’t alone and you are also a friend you can rely on to yourself.

Actually, might you know why you struggle with self worth? Knowing the root of the issue is the best way to heal it. Getting to know yourself in general can help you understand the way you feel and learn how you can change that and better yourself.

Please know you aren’t weak and you are enough, give yourself the credit you deserve for existing, you’re a great person you just have to see yourself for who you are, which is someone deserving of confidence and love for themselves without having to rely on others for that worth.

You are worthwhile,


I don’t know why I struggle with self worth, but I don’t want to be alone or by myself anymore I’m tired of it

From: ManekiNeko

hey, checking in to see how you are going? How have you been feeling? Thinking of you

1 Like

Hi sorry about the late response I’ve been okay I guess, was actually about to make a post but idk if I should.

1 Like

You are always welcome to post and share what’s on your heart, @lonelyfreak. Thank you for doing so and for being vulnerable with this community. :hrtlegolove:

Thank you for tolerating me and letting me say how I feel.

1 Like