My friend just made a little Facebook post about how she takes care of her s/o who has mental illness - she treats him like she would if he were sick. Gets him a blanket, water, a snack, puts on a movie, all the things you’d do if they were physically sick.
I found this a valuable insight. So many times no one knows what to do when I’m in crisis. Asking “what can I do to help” can be damaging. Often idk what’s wrong. I don’t know what to do. I’m out of control. But if someone brought me a popsicle and a book, I’d most likely feel better, or at least brought back to the present.
I hope this helps those who have a loved one they don’t understand and those who don’t know how to have others help them. It’s ok. We have people who love us, and maybe explainin it like this to them will help.
My boyfriend is like this. So many people in my life have looked down on me and criticized me for having mental health issues. But my boyfriend is very patient and understanding. He tries really hard to love and comfort me to make me feel better. Sometimes he brings me coffee or covers a meal. Or he watches a movie with me. Or even take middle of the night trips to go get ice cream.
Now not everyone has to do that. But it’s true that sometimes just a kind gesture can go such a long ways. Rather than interrogating for answers of why and how come.
It is so true that people don’t know how to deal with, or even understand mental illness. But I think comparisons like this are very useful for people. Thank you for sharing <3
Well said Rix!!! I think in times of crisis , the little comforts can make all the difference. I think people tend to forget that in the moment. Thank you for sharing this!!! Wise words indeed.
If you are having a crisis and I ask “What can I do to help?” and you say “I don’t know! I’m out of control!” and I ask “Why are you out of control?” and you answer that it’s anxiety or mania or something else or your house is on fire, I now know what is going on and I will help the best I can. Sometimes the second question isn’t even needed. The panicked burst of words is actually really helpful.
Asking questions is the most important part of helping someone who is having a crisis. My crises are not your crises, and neither of us have crises like the people who are about to jump off a bridge (no two of them alike), but every resolution starts with a question, some form of “What’s going on?” that is asked out loud and/or internally. Asking someone about to jump “What’s going on?” is the best way to get them to not jump. The person about to jump now has the opportunity to vent or start a conversation and asking them a question means that they matter. Nobody asks questions of people who don’t matter.
I try to treat people like people. You don’t need to be mentally ill and like a blanket, a bit of water, a snack, and a movie although you can add mental illness to liking those things. If their house is on fire, the biggest difference between someone with mental illness needs to start calling doctors for refills almost every time while those without mental illness just need to call doctors for refills most of the time. If you are about to kill yourself, I will try to talk you out of it, mental illness or no. I do not believe that people should be treated differently and my social anxiety is not going to change that. I believe that everyone is equally entitled to having a panic attack in a stairwell and that just because people without mental illness don’t usually do this doesn’t mean that they can’t. How will people understand metal illness unless they are shown? How will people with mental illness understand their own mental illness unless we are taught? We are living in a world without enough information about mental illness, but it is not “us vs. them” and we do not hold the moral or intellectual high ground.
HeartSupport doesn’t have as many helpful materials as it could. I think that’s because they don’t have very many connections. But we do (collectively). Could everyone the next time we all go to our therapists ask for resources such as worksheets and pamphlets for teaching and practicing things like daily self evaluations, emotional wellness, emotional awareness, etc. by just saying something like “I use this website where people with mental illness try to help each other. Could I please have some copies of the worksheets used to teach and practice things like daily self evaluations, emotional awareness, and emotional wellness, —you know, everything that everybody can do— so that I can upload them to that website? I would greatly appreciate it.” And then we digitize as much of it as we can and then email it here, along with an explanation of what it is and why it’s important to hand it out (there is probably a better way, but I haven’t been here long enough to know). We only need one therapist to say yes for us to be better off having tried it.