HS Houston Fan D2

This post is from an anonymous person in Houston who would like support

Loneliness: What moments in your day are the hardest to keep from feeling alone?:

When I have no plans & have to be alone with myself and my thoughts.

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Hey friend,

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing about the moments that make you feel the most alone. What you describe - the lack of plans and being alone with your thoughts - is something I deeply relate to. Sometimes it feels like I’ve been running my entire life, and it’s only since I’ve really initiated a therapeutic process that I have learned to see how much my main way to cope with uncomfortable thoughts and emotions is to keep myself busy by any means and to be sensory overloaded. Silence, for example, has been a huge struggle for a long time to me. Staying alone in silence would create an intense discomfort, if not a distress. Feeling like I am alone with my thoughts could really feel like torture to me, as it would give me space and time to face all the struggles I was used to run away from. With time though, and still currently, I’ve progressively started to learn how to approach this discomfort in a gentle and soothing way. At first, it was about spending a few minutes with myself in silence, doing something I enjoy. Then an hour. Then I’ve been trying to make it a daily “meeting” with myself.

In our daily life, we can be easily very busy and have an overloaded schedule. Whether it’s work or school, our relationships, all our activities and responsibilities… there’s often little time for ourselves. However, planning some time to be on our own and learning to approach loneliness as something safe is part of building a strong foundation for ourselves, one that non only help us to acknowledge all the things we’d rather leave in the back of our mind, but also to be more confident and kind to ourselves. Overall, for me, it’s been an interesting process of learning myself more, and in a better way. I am more aware of my limits, of my values, of what drives me and what exhausts me, and it influences my daily choices.

Loneliness is not a fatality. It’s more a perspective, a feeling, as we can feel pretty alone even surrounded by others. However it can be turned into solitude, progressively, which can be an interesting inner journey. Journaling especially can be an incredible tool for that purpose. Just taking a few minutes at first, each day, to write down our thoughts, acknowledge them, and be proud of taking that time for ourselves. It can be very scary and uncomfortable at first, but the more we do it, the more we learn to shift what “safety” means to us. And safety can absolutely found within ourselves, as much as we may find it through our interactions with others and our daily activities.

I believe you can to make this discomfort a tool for your own growth. And, if you’re willing to give it a try, know that this community is here to support you and encourage you as well. Feeling alone and being afraid of these moments is not a fatality. Changing it is only like everything else: a learning process.

I’m sending hugs your way. Know that, even with a distance and through online interactions, you’re not truly alone either. There is an entire community right here full of real people who are rooting for you.

Take care, friend. Be gentle with yourself. Make sure to give your soul the space, time and grace it deserves. :hrtlegolove:

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