My cousin has touched me inappropriately, and I am still dreading over it. I am scared of him. I’ve started crying when he did it to me. I thought that it would never happen to me.
I am terribly sorry for those of you who had to go through that. My moms side of the family never believed me. They only brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal. My grandma even sent an email saying I did not know what “inappropriately touching” is. I’ve suffered with these feelings for a while now. Even though I shouldn’t think about it, it still gives me shivers down my spine. I really want to have a good relationship with the rest of my family. But I feel like I can’t. I’ve tried building a relationship with my grandparents on my moms side of the family, and it seems to be doing okay. We’ve seen each other during Christmas break, and had a great time spending time together. And opening presents.
I don’t know, it’s just still getting to me. Sometimes I even think it’s my fault for being touched inappropriately. I wanted to tell my family what happened, but my cousin, 15 at the time said it needed to be a secret between him and I. So I kept quiet, but I ended up telling my dad and my grandparents on his side of the family about it, and they believed me. My moms parents banned me from spending the night saying that I would tell a lie about my grandpa “inappropriately touching” me. I know that isn’t TRUE.
I was only 14-15 when this happened.
It scares me to this day.
I never want anything else to do with my cousin, or see him again.
I am telling you this because I trust y’all.
It’s taken a lot of courage for me to speak up about this incident.
First of all, I BELIEVE YOU and I want to thank you for trusting us with this personal and sensitive information. You are so strong for speaking out. I am so sorry that this happened.
Is there someone you can talk to and trust? If you really can’t stop thinking about it, maybe some counseling can help. Often it’s a matter of repeated validation until you actually feel it deep within. I think your mom’s parents attitude may be at least partially the reason you haven’t let it go. You deserve pure and unconditional love. You are purely and unconditionally loveable. Always remember that.
Thank you for sharing about all of this. It is a very brave step to take, to open up about sexual trauma. I’m so very sorry that some of your family – the very first people we tend to look up to, especially when we are young – completely dismissed what you bravely shared with them. Unfortunately, when family members are confronted with a truth like this, too often their first reaction is complete denial. It shapes the way they’ve been perceiving the agressor, someone they may have trusted before. For some people, facing this brutal reality is unbearable. So they reject the truth and put the blame on the victim. It shouldn’t be that way.
What happened was not your fault. Talking about it and asking for help was not a fault either. The guilt belongs to your cousin. What he did was wrong, it was a violation of your intimacy, and it seems that he was aware of the fact that it wasn’t okay at all.
I hope that opening up about it here and knowing that you are still loved the same way, that it doesn’t change the way we see you, will be a first step towards more healing for you. Sexual traumas are heavy and destructive burdens that no one deserves to carry on their own. It is imprinted not only in our memories, but also physically, biologically. It makes sense to feel like being reminded of it over and over. It will be possible to re-learn how to feel safe in your own body, and you’ve taken a first step in this direction by opening up about it and putting words on what happened.
No one should have to experience what happened to you. The fact that you spoke up and brought attention to it and are able to talk about it (on here) says a lot about how strong you really are.
things like this can make familial life pretty difficult to navigate, but should be addressed and taken care of nontheless.
“even though I shouldn’t think about it” - it’s not your fault. It’s not an issue to have these thoughts come back up, that’s human nature… people get PTSD for a reason…
Have you been able to find therapy for this? If not, I highly suggest you find someone you’re comfortable working with. you’ll be given a whole assortment of tools to use to help navigate these emotions/memories when they rear their head. The tools they give you will help you to also work through these emotions and help give you a strong foundation to move forward and develop healthy relationships both platonic and romantic.
I’m proud of you for speaking up. Stay strong, friend. We’re here for you.
Which makes completely sense, @Katelynn. You were hurt and the fear remains. It is not meant to be present for the rest of your life, but it surely takes time to regain a sense of safety progressively.
Do you still have to see him sometimes? (family gatherings, etc)
And I’d never let him come near my kids one day. Because I never want them to go through the same thing as I did. It’s not okay to touch a girl or boy in a bad way, even if it’s a male cousin. I am glad I am safe, and I am very happy that I have support.
It is indeed not okay. No one should ever experience having their intimacy being violated by someone else. Your body is, and will always be yours. I’m glad you don’t have to see him at all, and hope that you can remind yourself of this reality when the fear tends to overwhelm you. You are safe. <3
