been thinking about my dad tonight he has been gone 3 years this coming april and like that feels like for ever and also yesterday to me i wonder what he would think of me now i wonder what he would have to say to me day to day i really miss hearing the “see ya in the morning bugs i love you” from him my family has seemed to have changed so much in these last three years and it hurts quite a bit seeing how just how much his death has driven this wall between the three of us in my house
I’m sorry you’re hurting. It’s good that you continue loving him. Talking to him is okay too. A part of him lives in you. We appreciate you.
I hope your pain eases.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I want you to know I know how it feels, you’re not alone, and it’s ok to struggle. I lost my mom to cancer. The pain of grief is so widespread and manifests in many ways. Grief is also a very specific emotion. Every person has a unique bond and relationship with that individual.
One of my best friend lost his dad, his hero, when he was only 15. He’s 28 now.
Just like what you mentioned, it caused his family life to basically collapse. It also drove my friend to become a legit piece of shit. All the pent up anger, pain and confusion caused him to go down a very dark road. He drowned himself in alcohol and became an alcoholic. He numbed himself with every drug you can imagine from meth to acid to fentenol. He treated others like crap and didn’t care for anyone else. He hid his emotions through continuous “hookups.”
Then one day he woke up to something…
He just missed his dad.
He joined AA and started cleaning up his act.
He finished college and got a great job (where is where I met him 4.5 years ago)
I was with him the last night he put a drug in his body… It was acid. He had some sort of deep spiritual “trip” because he told me that he felt his dads presence. his dad’s love. It was like his dad was still with him - speaking through him if you must.
He realized that HE needed to embrace what his dad meant to him and what his dad would be proud to see in him.
Over the last 4.5 years, I’ve seen this man man completely transform into an incredible human being. Completely sober and full of purpose and conviction to make sure others know how much he loves them.
He became a man who saved my life…saved me from suicide.
A man who has taken his fathers love and embodies it and gives it to the rest of his family…
Because he’s stepped into the love that his father had for him, his family is now FLOURISHING.
I share this because life is hard. a lot of the time it’s not fare. and most of the time painful things like these are what we need to be an incredibly strong person… for others.
…everything has its beginning and end. Death, as with life, is a part of nature - the entire universe experiences it. Though, the thing that can be neither created nor destroyed, has no begenning or end, is energy. The essence of your fathers love is out there. I hope you can find the ability and strength to align to that energy and live as your dad would want you to.
I realize this story is pretty *strong, but I genuinely hope you can look to this for closure and inspiration as you continue along your path.
Keep your head high, friend. Stay strong and keep going.
Hi Derpplup, I totally understand how you feel and how you’re expressing your grief. I have a couple of worksheets given to me from my therapist that I will be providing below that could help you cope through your loss. I’m so sorry his loss has put a wall up between your family. A similar occurrence happened when my grandmother passed away.
I hope these can help you find some ease in these hard times you’re having. Please know you’re very loved, and he would have been so proud of you and who you’re becoming. I would try to find something to honor his death in April, I need to do the same myself actually this year for my grandmother.
Wishing the best. <3