I recenty lost my grandmother, where the anxiety, the pain and anger creeps in again. I trying to park my car in parking lot, I broke the steering wheel, then I fucking snap. I punch my head about tens time, I biten my arm, I bang my head on the steering wheel. I scream the top my lung, cry and wheep. I told my friends they where the reason I have hurt myself. I snap at them earlier and try everything to calm my anxiety.
Im giving up on the battle for mental health. I cant control my eagers to hurt myself, I can only be a 4 week sober then, I end punching my head again.
I can never have friendship, girlfriends or be in the band. I dont think I can even go out at night anymore. I have dream of traveling the world, but I dont think I can handle even leaving my house anymore.
I post on intragram that I want to end my life, all I do is hurt people that love me. And other people think me as nut case. That why women hate me, I cant handle any relationship, I dont how to deal with other people.
I fail as a human being, Im nothing.