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I also have anxiety sometimes when being intimate with others, due to traumas from a past relationship.
It’s the constant what if - what if it’s going to happen again? What if things come crashing down? What if I get hurt? Will I be able to crawl out of that hole, to get out from under the rubble? It’s easy to let the mind spin and spin and spin.
Especially when it has to do with the most intimate part of ourselves - it’s the place where we let down all of our walls, the vulnerability puts us in the greatest position for pain, for betrayal.
It’s hard to shake loose that kind of fear. It feels like the only thing you can use as a shield. Like anxiety, hyper-vigilance, is going to keep you from getting hurt. It’s like a faux sense of control. But that anxiety separates, and it steals joy, and it disconnects. It’s a double-edged sword, because it makes you feel safe, but it does that by pushing you away, by isolating you, and leaves you alone with these fears as your only company. It’s hard to fight free from that, because it feels so LOGICAL. These same circumstances happened the last time I was hurt. So naturally, I’d assume it will happen again. But how do you move past that to be FREE, to be VULNERABLE again? How do you trust? It feels easier to skip over these questions because they are so hard to find real answers for. So the anxiety persists.
It can be really hard to be open and vulnerable with someone when you have been hurt in the past. The deeper the pain and trauma, the harder to trust again. And it’s okay to go slow with sharing your more intimate self with others until you get to know them better. Trust has to be built and even earned. When you do decide to open up with someone, it’s okay to be cautious and build into the relationship. There is never a guarantee that we won’t get hurt again, but on the other hand slowly learning to trust another person can bring the reward of a healthy relationship in time. I wish the best for you. Thank you for sharing your feelings.
Thank you for sharing, friend. Intimacy can be such a hurdle when it comes to healing from traumas. Your trust, sense of self and safety were shaken because of a past relationship that ended up being hurtful to you. It makes absolutely sense to feel like being intimate with someone is something to re-learn, especially as your body and mind also hold the memory of traumatic experiences. This is something that I deeply relate to. This constant anxiety and discomfort that remains as long as full safety isn’t felt with someone. It feels like we have to go through that same process with every new relationship, every new interaction. As long as people don’t seem safe, then they can’t see what’s behind the social mask we use to wear.
Your well-being, your safety, your personal limits, your willingness to give your trust are all very personal elements of your life, and need to be respected by everyone, in any circumstance. I hope that, little by little, with a healthy amount of grace, patience and trust, you will keep seeking healthy and supportive relationships in your life. Thankfully, not everyone is going to hurt you like this other person did. But it’s also completely okay to take your time, to do things at your own pace.
Healing is a road paved of plenty of small steps, and you took one by sharing about your own experience with anxiety. Thank you for opening up. <3
From: ManekiNeko
man, I think that having that trauma does impact so much into how we interact with others. It can be so hard to be close to someone and trust someone. I had a previous habit of being mean to people to push them away. It can take a lot of time healing and some good therapy to help with those kinds of things. I do hope that as you move forward in life you come to realise how worthy of love you are. And genuine love. I hope your heart heals form the trauma it’s experienced. You matter x
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
I’m sorry that you experience anxiety when you are intimate with others. It’s pretty hard to deal with if the other person doesn’t know what your triggers are. For me, I’ve discussed those types of triggers with my partner and he very careful. I would encourage you to also talk to your partner if you feel safe about your triggers. It really does help.