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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to BLACK by PearlJam
I am 48 years old about to be 49 my ex-fiance and I split up in February after being together for 8 years every time I’ve ever heard the song whether it be reaction or not I absolutely bawl like a baby when she left she blocked me on every social media I haven’t spoken to her since February she was my entire world and since she’s left I pretty much done nothing but lived in a liter of vodka day and with my bitter hands I cradle broken glass of what was everything and I was hoping with time things would get better and it has not and I don’t see it ever getting better
The feeling of loneliness is like something that you worked so hard to create has just shattered right in front of you, leaving you with nothing to show and cuts all over. It hurts so much that you want nothing more than to just lie in the shards and let yourself bleed out. Where do we go from there? When everything around us is so bad, how are we suppose to just pick ourselves up and move on as if nothing had happened and we’re completely fine.
Alcohol is such a slippery slope. When the buzz hits, things feel fine, when we’re drunk, nothing hurts. As someone who has tried to use this coping skill, I’ve found that it’s lead me down a road I didn’t want to follow. The reality is that we experience hard things in life that need to be addressed, processed, and worked through. To live a life where we try and numb the pain or run away from it leads us right back to where we started. It is a much longer and much harder road than to turn to substances, but to face our emotions and to take those steps in the right direction give us so much lasting peace and acceptance that isn’t found at the bottom of a bottle.
Know that you are not alone right now as I am typing this. When someone we loved leave us, it hurts. Know that you are not too old, too broken, or too far gone to rediscover joy, laughter, community, and love. I fully believe that you will conquer this hurt and feel like you are living a complete and fulfilling life. Keeping pushing forwards my friend, I know that this will get better <3
Losing someone we have loved for so long is one of the hardest parts of being human. After that person is gone from our lives we feel so hopelessly alone, depressed, and devoid of any hope that things will get better. It can make total sense to try anything to feel better, whether it’s alcohol or any other substance to distract us from the pain. In the moment, we don’t even care if it’s a bad habit, we just want to feel some fleeting sense of happiness. Something to make it seem like life is worth fighting for.
I want you to know, my friend, that the simple fact of your existence and your courage to share what you’re going through is a reason to live. While there is breath in your lungs, I believe that there is purpose in your life more beautiful than you could ever imagine right now. In this moment, it feels like nothing will ever get better, right? But what if, just what if, this pain you feel is not eternal and a new season of life is closer than you think? There are people who love you, and I am sending you all of my love in this moment.
I want to encourage you to focus on those things that are true right now that can give you hope: you are not alone, your existence is not meaningless, and love is possible for you. Cling to that sliver of hope that feels so impossible right now. I am struggling with my own darknesses too, but knowing that there is someone who loves me eternally has enabled me to endure those seasons of despair. You are not alone, and I know that your life is not over. I’m not sure what the purpose of this moment of darkness is, but I know that your life is meaningful and I am so glad you are still fighting. I am fighting alongside you, along with so many others, friend. I’m praying for peace and the joy of new mornings for you right now.