I am a coward

I feel so worthless, I don’t even deserve to live. I failed college because I was depressed and weak. I am jobless but couldn’t have one because I am too shy to apply. Seems like a petty reason but I really couldn’t help it. I get scared easily and doing things on my own scares me. I am such a coward, I can’t even kill myself because I am scared. I just wishes for someone to just kill me. I go to sleep hoping to never wake up again, I feel shitty whenever I do wake up.

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hi there, welcome in!

I’m gonna tell you a secret - many of us are struggling/have struggled with this sort of drastic change and the feeling of being lost.
The switch from online to in-person has been hard for many - employees, students, heck even the lecturers and teachers. Change itself is so dang hard. Pile on that all the weight and expectations you’ve had with your choice of degree? I can imagine the stress and strain you’re under.

It’s not weakness. Do you know what you did? You didn’t quit because you were bored or lazy, You quit so that you could survive. You made a choice that is the best opportunity for you to cope with the huge emotions you’re feeling right now.
Do you know why most schools and unis have some sort of mental health/guidance/counseling? Because it’s HARD. The work is hard, the hours are long, the juggling of finances/social life/homework/extra curricular, etc. can be brutal.

The world is made up of people of various traits, strengths, abilities, interests, etc. | also kn\ow that it must have been really competitive for you as well with the scholarships etc.

We survive. We do what we can to survive, whatever that looks like at the moment it happens, doesn’t really matter. You’re not a coward. You made a choice.

Being shy and quiet have their strengths. Keep your options open for jobs that may be a bit different from what you expected to do. This can be the beginning of a whole new adventure for you. I know you’re feeling a lot of negative emotions right now and this seems like a horrible spot to be in, and I’m so sorry that it’s been this hard.

Do you have someone you can talk to? Religious or social group elder? Teacher, even professor? This isn’t an unheard of situation, it happens quite often. You are no less worthy of love and respect. I’m glad you’re here with us. It can get better friend. Please be kind to yourself while it does.

Survive this, we’re all here for you through this.

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Thank you for opening up about this! Hearing someone with such a worth of a life that should not be wasted away say they want to kill themeselves is absolutely heart breaking. I want to start off by reminding that you don’t have to go to college to be successful. I am a student who works at a grocery store during the summer, i have 2 coworkers neither of them go to college, one of them is in fact a high school drop out and she now works at the customer service front desk of our store and is in a bigger authority position than a regular cashier. The other coworker dropped out of college and is now an assistant manager. No matter what happens to you, life will ALWAYS give you something to be proud of. If you don’t already, i highly encourage you to seek therapy for your shyness. therapy is for anyone, i used to think i didn’t need it until as i got older i realized how badly i needed it because i was really mentally not doing great, so i sought help and it was helpful. EVEN IF it’s not as helpful, at least A LITTLE bit of help is totally worth it. If you do see therapy already, i am not a psychologist i cannot do much besides listen, but i do know that the only way to overcome your fears is to face them it may seem like torture but once you actually go for it you will be happy you did it. i am sure you heard the saying that you gotta live your life and not be hesitant to take chances, that’s the only way you will get through life, sometimes you just have to say to your inner self “do it” and if it helps, i would figure out the root to your shyness whether it’s something you dealt with from the past that may have caused you to lose your confidence, and say to yourself “my past doesn’t define me, this is all in my head” and just jot down those reasons and work on each of them one by one. There have been things in my life where i was initially too scared to do and felt completely embarrassed and stupid about the thought of doing it, it took a lot out of me, i think what took for me was to be mentally prepared for the outcome i don’t want, so i would go for it, sometimes i would get what i want and sometimes i wouldn’t and that’s okay. In my case i faced my fears by confessing to people i had crushes on, before that i literally never thought i would do it i used to feel ashamed just at the thought of doing it because i didn’t think i would be liked back cuz i just didn’t have that self esteem back then, but i said to myself “would you rather go your whole life without knowing the answer? you never know what you’re missing out on or you at least won’t have to constantly overthink it anymore if they don’t like you back”, my previous crushes wouldn’t like me back but my last crush is now my partner and i couldn’t be more happy! regarding your case applying for jobs, just GO FOR IT! you may not always get hired, lots of jobs i applied to rejected me but yet here i am now at the grocery store! it’s part of life! but i wish you luck in finding a job! and we’re always here for you💖

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You are loved. You matter. You can change the world, and the lives of others, even here and now you are making a difference. I have seen you make a difference before, I know you can make a difference again. You can be awesome, even if not in the way the world expects you to.

You are worth it. Music for Mental Health - You are Worth It [OFFICIAL VIDEO] - YouTube

Heep Holding On :orange_heart: - Pengyou

From: kat.grigoriev

Thank you for opening up about this! Hearing someone with such a worth of a life that should not be wasted away say they want to kill themeselves is absolutely heart breaking. I want to start off by reminding that you don’t have to go to college to be successful. I am a student who works at a grocery store during the summer, i have 2 coworkers neither of them go to college, one of them is in fact a high school drop out and she now works at the customer service front desk of our store and is in a bigger authority position than a regular cashier. The other coworker dropped out of college and is now an assistant manager. No matter what happens to you, life will ALWAYS give you something to be proud of. If you don’t already, i highly encourage you to seek therapy for your shyness. therapy is for anyone, i used to think i didn’t need it until as i got older i realized how badly i needed it because i was really mentally not doing great, so i sought help and it was helpful. EVEN IF it’s not as helpful, at least A LITTLE bit of help is totally worth it. If you do see therapy already, i am not a psychologist i cannot do much besides listen, but i do know that the only way to overcome your fears is to face them it may seem like torture but once you actually go for it you will be happy you did it. i am sure you heard the saying that you gotta live your life and not be hesitant to take chances, that’s the only way you will get through life, sometimes you just have to say to your inner self “do it” and if it helps, i would figure out the root to your shyness whether it’s something you dealt with from the past that may have caused you to lose your confidence, and say to yourself “my past doesn’t define me, this is all in my head” and just jot down those reasons and work on each of them one by one. There have been things in my life where i was initially too scared to do and felt completely embarrassed and stupid about the thought of doing it, (part 1)

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From: kat.grigoriev

(part 2) as i was saying in the first part, it took a lot out of me, i think what took for me was to be mentally prepared for the outcome i don’t want, so i would go for it, sometimes i would get what i want and sometimes i wouldn’t and that’s okay. In my case i faced my fears by confessing to people i had crushes on, before that i literally never thought i would do it i used to feel ashamed just at the thought of doing it because i didn’t think i would be liked back cuz i just didn’t have that self esteem back then, but i said to myself “would you rather go your whole life without knowing the answer? you never know what you’re missing out on or you at least won’t have to constantly overthink it anymore if they don’t like you back”, my previous crushes wouldn’t like me back but my last crush is now my partner and i couldn’t be more happy! regarding your case applying for jobs, just GO FOR IT! you may not always get hired, lots of jobs i applied to rejected me but yet here i am now at the grocery store! it’s part of life! but i wish you luck in finding a job! and we’re always here for you💖

I was in your place once too, all that you have to do is say “fuck it I have to do this” even if you’re scared and when you do it, you’ll realize it isn’t that scary ik this sounds like terrible advice but I would feel physically sick in fear of everyday tasks and this changed my life in under a month and fuck college you can make thousands a day without college if you have the right skillset you seem like a pretty smart person whos just down just expose yourself to what scares you, go back to college, apply to a job, do all that and you’ll soon realize you can do it keep your head up