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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Monsters by Shinedown
I am a monster…
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I don’t know what circumstances you have been through to cause you to believe that, but I can tell you that many people at some point may make a mistake that could cause them to feel like a monster. I have hurt people in my life at times that made me feel like a monster. However, a monster is not who you are, it may have been some actions you took decisions you made, but it is not the content of your character or personhood. There is no point of no return from which you are a “monster.” You are a human with a beautiful heart capable of love. That may be hard to believe while believing you’re the problem or the “monster,” but I hope you can accept that you provide so much joy to the lives of those around you. We all have a monster inside of us-- a part that is full of shame, anger, hatred. However, we increase the part we feed. We can feed that anger or feed acceptance and forgiveness. One side will win out in the end, you have the choice which one you look at and build. I am proud of you for sharing how you see yourself now and hope that you can continue to feed the hope, love, and acceptance!
Feeling like you’re a monster is such a heavy burden to carry. It’s like this dark cloud hanging over you, whispering these awful things about yourself that you can’t seem to shake off. It’s not just a fleeting thought - it’s a constant, nagging feeling that colors everything you do and say. It’s hard to see beyond it.
You start second-guessing every interaction, wondering if people see through you and would be afraid of this “monster” inside you. It’s this deep-seated fear of being judged or rejected once people really know what’s going on inside your head. And that fear, it isolates you. It makes you withdraw, maybe even push people away because you’re afraid they’ll confirm your worst fears about yourself.
I want you to know that you’re not alone in this struggle. So many of us fight with these feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Of feeling like something is inherently dark and in ourselves, so much taht we should hide away from everyone and ensure that no one discovers the truth. I have myself this part in me that tells me that no one should see me for who I am, for they would only end up disappointed and run away from me. It’s hard when it feels like the monster you are fighting is you.
Your feelings are valid, even if they seem overwhelming at times. I hope that, in the midst of it, you can hold on to the truth that our mind is good at telling us lies sometimes, especially when it’s about oursleves, but we don’t need to let it build narratives that would condition the rest of our life. You are not a monster, my friend. You are a human being who is struggling, which makes a world of difference. 