Im feeling so awful about a lot of things atm. My depression, suicidal thoughts, mental disorders and my heartbreak. Here is another part…
I hate the way I am, the way I look. Im overweight and getting worse. I worry no one will ever love me or find me attractive cause Im both fat and mentally unstable. Im disgusting to look at, I can’t even look myself in the mirror and I feel bad for anyone who has to be around me.
I used to be pretty and skinny, and then shit hit the fan and over the course of a few years Ive become a whale.
I hate how much value I put into my outer appearance but it’s all I ever got attention for. I was the cute one. Now Im a “used to be”. I binge eat and eat my feelings.
Without food I don’t see much point to life. I want to change. I want to FEEL good about my body and how I look but Im severly depressed and I have a hard time doing anything at all.
I just don’t see how I can get life back together again. Im just a broken piece of trash and no one will ever love me. If I can’t love myself and be healthy why would anyone else?
Its such a competetive thing as well. If I can’t be the best at things, I give up. So I don’t bother working out cause I know Im never gonna be as strong as I used to be. I used to be an elite athlete.
Now Im just a pathetic shadow of myself. I feel like I should just die, easier.
And I honestly hate myself for even typing this out. It’s pathetic. I seem to need constant reassurance or support or I just get into this self hatred spiral.
I just don’t see the value in myself at all anymore. I might aswell just disappear and no one would notice or care.