I know I’ve been away for a while, and I wish I wasn’t.
The last weeks have been rough and I still don’t really know what has triggered it all.
A few weeks ago, I almost used again, and I was ashamed and scared of what I got myself into again. Thankfully I had a friend nearby who i was able to give my stuff to to get rid off.
And from there the trouble began.
I was alone a lot and my thoughts have been going the wrong way once again.
I’m back at a point where I wished I would never come back to.
I isolated myself from all my friends and I don’t talk to anyone, at least nothing truthful.
Next to nothing can make me feel alive, not even seeing my favorite band play live for the first time, or playing music, or writing.
I feel dead inside and I’m starting to think that I should just stop caring and trying again.
I’ve been a lot more open on social media recently, and honestly, I don’t know why. Maybe I just care anymore what people really think of me. (If you know me, you know I don’t really care what people think of me, but mostly because I have many secrets)
Maybe giving up is an option.
Maybe isolation is the best for the people around me.
Maybe I’m just an idiot, and I never really changed at all…
Whatever it is, I’m still here. Somehow.
Somehow I made it through today and I’ll probably make it through the night.
I just wish I wasn’t so alone…
But even if I wouldn’t be so isolating, I’d still be alone, because my support system is anywhere but here.
I’m sorry for wasting so much of your time and I could go on forever (because I have no one to talk to) but I’ll stop and try to get some sleep.
Thanks beautiful people.