I am back I guess

HeartSupport Support
1

Hi everyone.
I know I’ve been away for a while, and I wish I wasn’t.

The last weeks have been rough and I still don’t really know what has triggered it all.

A few weeks ago, I almost used again, and I was ashamed and scared of what I got myself into again. Thankfully I had a friend nearby who i was able to give my stuff to to get rid off.
And from there the trouble began.
I was alone a lot and my thoughts have been going the wrong way once again.

I’m back at a point where I wished I would never come back to.
I isolated myself from all my friends and I don’t talk to anyone, at least nothing truthful.
Next to nothing can make me feel alive, not even seeing my favorite band play live for the first time, or playing music, or writing.
I feel dead inside and I’m starting to think that I should just stop caring and trying again.

I’ve been a lot more open on social media recently, and honestly, I don’t know why. Maybe I just care anymore what people really think of me. (If you know me, you know I don’t really care what people think of me, but mostly because I have many secrets)
Maybe giving up is an option.
Maybe isolation is the best for the people around me.
Maybe I’m just an idiot, and I never really changed at all…

Whatever it is, I’m still here. Somehow.

Somehow I made it through today and I’ll probably make it through the night.
I just wish I wasn’t so alone…
But even if I wouldn’t be so isolating, I’d still be alone, because my support system is anywhere but here.

I’m sorry for wasting so much of your time and I could go on forever (because I have no one to talk to) but I’ll stop and try to get some sleep.

Thanks beautiful people.

2

Fiji,

First of all, I am happy that you were able to avoid using with the help of a friend. I’m sure that was very hard and I’m proud of you for taking that step.

Life can definitely be hard to find that fire and passion that you desperately want. I think by writing here, you definitely are looking to reach out, talk, and express you feelings. Even though it has been hard to do that with others, it is good that you are still seeking for this. The struggles you are going through are real, but slipping deeper into isolation will probably not help. Reaching out and expressing your concerns are valuable. There is a full community here that cares about you and want to listen to what you have to say. No time has been wasted because we have the privilege to talk to you and help you through this hard time. Don’t be afraid to reach out when you need someone to talk to.

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