I am beginning to hate this part of September

One of my favorite times of the year is about from Labor Day until New Years. The hot heat of the Georgia summer begins to taper off and autumn starts to set in. Living in north Georgia means I get a spectacular show of leaves changing. The last two years though I have been very down around the 21st because of my dad.

September 21st was my dad’s birthday and he passed away in 2017. This year and last year the time around September 21st was really hard on me. Some of it also had to do with my job indefinitely transferring me to a much more stressful department. Last year in the early morning I began having a lot of anxiety and after it got later in the morning I got out a while and got to feeling better.

When I got home I began having anxiety problems again and went to a doctor and got on medication for anxiety and also blood pressure. While I have had a few moments here and there for the most part I have been okay.

Back in the spring the stressful department at work was closed and I got to go back to my old one that is very relaxing. However I have had a stressful few months. I live with my aunt and cousin. My cousin at times has mental issues and ever since I moved in with them a few years ago it seems like it has helped him greatly.

The last few months my aunt had been in the hospital twice and when this happens it puts stress on me dealing with my cousin. Then back in May I got bronchitis and am just about well when I have a setback. Eventually I get over that and get a cold. Then in July one of my former Sunday School teachers that I thought a lot of died. At her funeral someone had COVID and I wound up with it as did my cousin. My aunt thankfully was in the hospital at the time.

Now we come back to this part of the year and yesterday I am once again feeling a lot of anxiety. The odd thing is that I don’t feel the same way when my mom’s birthday comes around. Furthermore when my parents were alive they put me through an insane amount of stress and I am in a much better living situation now.

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I’m in the Florida panhandle, about 20 minutes to the Georgia state line, so I guess our climate is similar, but we may have a bit more hurricane-ish stuff going on.

I’ve lost my mom, dad, grandson, and some close friends. I remember their birthdays too. Two of my neighbors have Covid, and they had the shots and boosters. One of them has mild symptoms, the other has been feeling horrible.

It sounds like your father’s death still brings up unresolved issues. It would be good if you could talk to a therapist about it. It also may help to talk it through with someone close, who knows how to listen.

My mom was mentally ill, and my dad was a depressed alcoholic who abandoned me. It’s been a while. They both died years ago. There was a lot unresolved between us, but as time passed, the anger, anxiety, and grief transitioned to love and regret. In my case, there was grief for the loss of hope that our relationship could’ve gotten better, grief for having lost them, and grief for what could’ve been, but never was.

I have a very strong sense that whatever was said or left unsaid, done or not done, has been forgiven to the extent that all of us are sufficiently free of our troubled past.

BTW, welcome to Heart Support. Please stay in touch, Wings

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Hello Crash,
Welcome to Heart Support. This is very strong from you and thank you for sharing and posting
on our Wall.
I am in therapy right now, and it helps a lot. There are so many things that you carry on over the
years that come together and sometimes life is overwhelming.

To remember the birthdays of our loved ones who are gone is a beautiful thing. I lost my grandparents
over the years, who raised me a lot of time when i was a kid. I take my time and think of them, of the
good moments we shared.
Speak about everything that runs through your mind, share it and be proud of yourself, you can my
friend.
I wish you a lovely day, feel hugged
Greetings

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First of all thanks for the words of encouragement. I made it through yesterday and honestly I am surprised at how good I felt mentally. Tuesday was hard on me but yesterday was great. I am honestly wondering if the reason I was dreading the 21st this year was because of what happened last year.

Originally I was planning on going by the cemetery but decided not to. First things were going smooth and I was concerned that going there would cause me to start having issues. Second Friday I need to go to HR where I work to get something sorted out (it’s their mess not mine so I am not worried about something going wrong) and I can easily stop by the cemetery then. Third it is supposed to be much cooler Friday.

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Hello there,

Welcome to Heart Support! I am glad to hear that things turned out to be better than you thought they would. Life can be funny that way. I know that I am ready for cooler temps. Autumn is one of my favorite seasons. It can be so wonderful and beautiful. Thank you for being you. Have a great weekend!

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, I am sorry the last couple of years have been so tough on you and I am very sorry for the loss of your Dad. Grief is something that we all either have or will have to go through at some point and each of us are going to go through it in a different way, none of which is wrong. Take it all a day at a time. I am pleased to read however that it was not as bad as you expected it to be. Sometimes the fear of something can be so much worse than the thing itself. I applaud you for moving forward and trying so hard. We are here for you any time you need us. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

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From: susieqzz

Hey there, Crash!

First of all, welcome! Glad you found us here and are choosing to share. I know sometimes it can be hard opening up, thank you for trusting us with your story.

I see your update reply and I’m glad that things were not as bad this year as they were last year. I can totally see how you’d proceed with caution into this time of year, but I’m so happy you made it through.

I hope the rest of your favorite time of year goes smoothly, and we are here for you for anything else you need to talk about!

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After reading your post, it’s good to see your reply about the day being less stressful and anxiety provoking than you anticipated. It sounds like you’ve had a bit of a rough year with your health and family issues on top of everything. It sounds like you are doing what you can to care for yourself and that is important. I’m glad you found your way here to the HS community. You are loved.

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Friend, Thank you for letting us know how things went. I’m glad that you didn’t have as rough of a time as you thought you’d have. You’re anxiety can very well be related to what happened last year and I’m glad that your job situation is less stressful. Hopefully, the memories of that stressful time will fade along with your anxiety. Take care! ~Mystrose

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Welcome to Heartsupport! :hrtlegolove:

First I want to express my condolences for the loss of your father. Even if he put you through lots of stress, it is still a loss for you that you have to process. Your exhaustion and anxiety is understandable, especially since you also have to deal with so many changes in your job.
What you can be happy about is that your cousin is doing much better since you moved in, you are making a positive impact on somebody else’s life. That is great!
Sadly the last three years have been hard for almost everybody, so I wish you all the strength you need to get through this!

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