I am done fighting

This isn’t the end of this but this is just the start. Right now i just want to be fighting . Why should i Just not exist … I feel/felt like i should just die or even relapse . I haven’t really been feeling this “low” since 2018. This feeling sucks. I’m tired of being left in the dusk , i’m tired of feeling invisible when i feel left out when someone makes a selfish choice in the family. Why me? Why does it have to be me who is the oldest? why? It’s probably gonna be the same crap every dang year but this time this is year 2 of me feeling left out . Last year I had to speak up tell them what i NEEDED to say and it happened and well this year I don’t feel like its gonna happen . I already expressed how i felt to both my sister and my boyfriend. Sometimes what’s the point of fighting when i will be better and healthier than at my points I’ll be like this: low , sad , upset , hurt, invisible ? I always try to communicate at points if i’m able to and i do what’s best for me . but something i feel like i should be quiet because i feel like this monster I had in me years ago would come back . That was not the healthy me that wasn’t the person I am now and im quiet afraid of what will happen. To cut to the chase , basically what has happened was she made plans for her birthday ONCE again. She decided to invite a guy to go with her, her and I’s mom and mom’s boyfriend. Where am i in all of this ? No, not even included. Which this hurts i really want to be around but it doesn’t feel like my sister does. Which it makes me feel like i’m not needed in my life , not needed at all or makes me feel invisible . I hate feeling invisible but this is life right now i guess. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to give up , but I just want to be better but i feel like giving up sometimes is better.

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Hey Ashley,
I’m sorry that your sister did this. It definitely sucks when you are excluded from things, especially with those closest to you. Did you talk to her about it the last time it happened? Also, if you did, what did she have to say?I mean, it really isn’t right but I don’t know all the details. Sometimes you have to look at other factors regarding the situation. For example, where exactly is your sister going? If it is like an actual trip, maybe finances were a problem? Also, totally not trying to defend your sister, but just take a step back and think of other reasons why she may not have invited you. It may not be that she doesn’t want you to be there, but maybe something else. Also, this probably isn’t the best advice, but if you guys had brought it up before, and she still did that, do it right back. Make plans for something special and leave her out. Maybe this will show her how it feels, and she will learn not to do it again. Like I said, not the best advice, but more as a lesson. Sometimes people don’t realize how it feels until they’ve experienced it themselves. Either way, I hope it turns out for the better and you all can come to an understanding. Just remember though, people may come and go but family is normally forever. Much love and please Hold Fast friend.

thanks for responding @HoldxSteel , she was only going 2 hours away with this guy and the family for her sweet 16 for a day … this was the second time she done this as i said and i had to tell them . this time i did communicate over text … just waiting for what she has to say…

OK good, yeah communication is key. I mean, sometimes people don’t even realize they are doing something hurtful. Are you 2 normally pretty close?

no we are not . she has her friends and i have mine. she just never has the guts to ask me . Shes about to be 16 and im about to be 20 i know i should be the bigger person and get over it but this hurt when im excluded.

Well yeah, I mean it totally would for anyone. I also forgot it was a sweet 16, which should be pretty special right? So maybe use this as a way to start getting closer with her. My older brother and I are 4 years apart too, so I know how it can be. When we were younger, I was so annoying to him. Although, once we started getting older we became so much closer, and I’m glad we did. She is still very young though, so you’ve gotta consider that as well. Seriously though, work on that bond, you will not regret it, now, and especially later in life.

also for clarification me and her are 3 years 7 months apart. we dont have the same taste in anything . so its gonna be hard

Well yeah of course it’s going to be hard friend. Also, I’m not saying it should happen overnight. I mean honestly, it doesn’t even have to happen. I’m just saying it feels so much better. I know I can turn to my brother for anything now, which wasn’t always the case. Just work slowly on it, cuz right now you don’t have much in common, but that doesn’t always have to be so.

true thanks hold , and thank for responding on your own time i do feel better now…