Up until last summer, I had a perfect life planned out. I passed my Ph.D. qualifying exam and was working towards writing research articles. I was madly in love with my girlfriend with whom I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life- she was my best friend before dating- and I was generally a happy person. And then, every domino fell.
My project lost its funding, my equation with my prof got sour, and my girlfriend ended the relationship because she refused to believe I’d be able to convince her parents (Asian inter-religion nonsense). Long story short, I moved back in with my parents and started looking for a job only to witness the pandemic strike and tank the global job market.
It’s been eight months since I’ve been coping with my loneliness and the job hunt, and I got nothing. All this while I see my peers get promoted or engaged or something! It’s come to a point where I doubt my worth in terms of just about anything- as an employee, as a friend, as a partner, even as a son. I’m 27 and a jobless dependent on my aging parents, and it kills me to see that nothing is changing.
Don’t get me wrong, I have my good days where I feel positive and network effectively with potential employers, but seeing it lead to nowhere is getting me to my brink, and I don’t know what can make me feel better. I don’t see a future for myself and it makes me want to just quit. I hate myself for even thinking that, for giving up so easily, but I’m running out of options and perseverance is reaching a limit.