I feel so tired and worn out. Every single night it is the same. Every night is a battle. I can’t help but cry myself to sleep every night. I would pray and pray for God to give me a sign, so I know he’s listening. To let me know he’s real. I want him to show me he’s real. Im losing faith.
I don’t want to be bothered by depression anymore. I just live a peaceful life. But it doesn’t go away. I am so terrified of relapsing. I’ve been so close to it many times in the last few months.
All I have as an outlet is really just music. And when I feel this down the music I listen to is literally the worst thing to listen to right now. Realizing every song I have been listening to on repeat is about suicide.
I’m pretty confident enough to so say that I’m not going to end it right now. I don’t ever want to end it just give up.
If you read this please don’t worry about me. I just needed to put it down somewhere and try to get it out of my head.