I feel so tired and worn out. Every single night it is the same. Every night is a battle. I can’t help but cry myself to sleep every night. I would pray and pray for God to give me a sign, so I know he’s listening. To let me know he’s real. I want him to show me he’s real. Im losing faith.
I don’t want to be bothered by depression anymore. I just live a peaceful life. But it doesn’t go away. I am so terrified of relapsing. I’ve been so close to it many times in the last few months.
All I have as an outlet is really just music. And when I feel this down the music I listen to is literally the worst thing to listen to right now. Realizing every song I have been listening to on repeat is about suicide.
I’m pretty confident enough to so say that I’m not going to end it right now. I don’t ever want to end it just give up.
If you read this please don’t worry about me. I just needed to put it down somewhere and try to get it out of my head.
I love you. We love you so much. You are valid and worthy and loved. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
I wanna encourage you to keep praying and just talking to him more. I know that waiting for an answer or believing that God is there helping is hard to believe sometimes, but I promise he is listening and he is helping you at all times. Maybe you being in this community is the answer you need. Maybe he wants you to express how you feel to us so we can give you the comfort and encouragement you need? idk, just something to think about.
I feel you. It’s really hard. But I want you to know that we are here to help you through this. We are all going through something and are here for each other. We love you and care about you friend. If music is your outlet, listen to music however much you need to! Music is a great help.
We love you friend. Please continue to share with us how you’re feeling and what’s going on. We care.
I understand how you feel. It is hard to keep fighting when you are so tired of battling depression. It isn’t easy but it is possible to do and I can tell you are a very strong person just based on what you’ve written here. I am so proud of you for staying so strong and resisting the urge to relapse. That takes an incredible amount of strength and courage and I would celebrate that!! You have fought even when you’ve felt like giving up. You have found things like music that you know help you when you are feeling low. You mentioned the songs you are currently listening to are not very helpful because they are all about suicide. I would encourage you to find other songs that you enjoy so you at least can still have that outlet through music but in a healthier and more encouraging way.
I would also encourage you to keep talking to God. Even though we may sometimes feel like he doesn’t hear us or isn’t with us, I promise you he always is. He has never once left your side. Take comfort in that and know that the God of the universe knows and loves you. He sees every tear and knows your pain. He knows what you need and will guide you through all of the highs and lows. I believe in you my friend. Keep fighting, stay strong and know that you are very much loved.