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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Monsters by Shinedown
I am my own monster. I wear my mask, I fool everyone, myself included. I know the monster. I hate him.
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Knowing the monster also means you know their tactics. Being our own worst enemy, self-sabotaging and attacking ourselves from the inside, you know that voice and you learn the attacks. Like how they say a house divided cannot stand, when we fight against ourselves tearing ourselves down, it makes it very hard to maintain healthy relationships and build a strong identity. You know your own insecurities better than anyone else. If your monster is anything like mine, it’s not super creative in how it attacks me. It will try to convince me I am all alone, it will tell me I don’t matter to anyone, it will tell me my life doesn’t make a difference, it will tell me no one loves me. When my inner monster speaks, it doesn’t make up anything new. It is a predictable voice of shame, attack of identity, and attack of connection. This predictability gives you tools to overcome it. If it is predictable like mine, you can begin to fight back with truths of your acceptance, love, and worth. Truth be told, you are worth so much and matter so incredibly much.
As you describe wearing that mask, you put words to that false projected image that you show to others. When you don’t give a true image, it doesn’t give people the chance to truly know you. They may have some ammo against that inner critic that you don’t know- they may have some words of encouragement you couldn’t think of. By letting people in, even to see the monster inside, it can take away its power.
Being your own monster is a position that feels so defeated-- like an inescapable voice constantly tearing you down. You are not the only one that carries that loop in their mind-- and others have conquered it-- and so can you! You do not have to live in self-defeat and self-criticism. When I began to notice my negative thought patterns I was able to see their predictability-- and I believe you can too. You can fight the monster inside and you are not alone in this fight! We are here for you and so are many others!
Thank you for reaching out to HeartSupport! Never stop fighting that inner monster trying to tear you down.
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I really appreciate you sharing. Wearing masks in order to hide our real selves can be exhausting, especially when we believe our inner monsters will scare others away and we need to keep them hidden. Hating ourselves because we hate the monsters and struggles we face is a like a never ending battle full of darkness and shame. But the monsters inside us lie and they want us to believe we are not worthy of showing our real self to the world. Facing those monsters by slowly taking off our masks and letting others see inside us weakens their grip. They aren’t as powerful as they lead us to believe. Reaching out is a huge step in defeating them. I’ve been terrified to let others see the real me, but I got tired of pretending and once I started to share my fears and struggles I realized I wasn’t alone. Taking off your mask can be a huge relief. When I let go of mine I realized my unique purpose and was able to heal from the shame of what I had always kept inside. The more we hide our monsters, the stronger they become. This is a safe place to share your story and we are here to encourage and support you. Our struggles and inner monsters do not define us. You are worthy of healing and I encourage you keep reaching out.
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