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I am not ok , im so effing done [Trigger warning]

Hey,

Finally decided to reach out after being too stubborn to do so because I thought this one issue was “small” or that I was “overreacting” when getting triggered.
The first issue I wanted to bring up but I didn’t was, apparently, my father has an issue with me ordering out food, and calls me spoiled. Then makes a comment that he’s going to go out and get a salad (i don’t know if he went out). After that comment, I started feeling triggered when I know I needed to eat. it was hard moments are hard because of it.

The second situation was today when I had a conversation with my mother about “my rights” as a 22-year-old. and I get told my father will be taking my mother to court because my mother out of all people won’t re-sign the guardianship papers. This pisses me off because my father is a narcissistic butthole who caused me so much emotional damage. To be honest, I’m tired of people having guardianship over me. Also with this, we had another conversation about the “part-time job” thing, my mother told me she emailed my father and even attached emails about it, so he didn’t have to fricken bother me. then i get told , “he only answers what he wants to hear/see”. Which makes me even more heated. I eventually walked back up to my room and cried for a little bit. I thought people would change. I’m def. wrong. Later that day i was sitting on my couch, and almost had an anxiety attack because I wasn’t ok.
With this whole situation , It honestly has brought me bad to how i was in 2018 , i still want to die . I were to die , my life would be so much better . I wouldnt need to suffer this pain . I want this pain to go away . I just i dont know. Im not ok. i am too weak . this has been my breaking point.

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Even in your weakness, you are strong. I am adopted, and my birth father was a monster. He hurt me and my sister, kicked me between the legs before I was even 5. I am glad that I am in a home that loves me and a friendly family and friends. I have faith that you will make it through this. If not for yourself, do it for your friends, family, and those that love you. Keep on fighting. Here’s a song that helped me out during hard times. For King & Country It’s not over yet

You can make it through. Just have faith.

You’re not spoiled for wanting to get food out. Imagine if businesses had to close down and had to get rid of all their staff because people weren’t going out to eat. It’s something I enjoy because I can share it with friends and family. Sometimes it can even be a positive trigger for people to enjoy eating.
You’re not over reacting, having people make comments about what you eat can be very triggering in a variety of ways. You are allowed to enjoy it though.

I can’t imagine how you’re feeling having to deal with that situation of guardianship. I’m so sorry that there is so much pressure on you. They probably don’t even realise because they just think it’s only affecting them. You deserve not to feel like you’re just being passed around like that. Do you at all get to have a say in the matter? Has anyone asked you what you need and want?

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Friend, I’m sorry you’re having this problem and I wish there was an easy solution. If you feel your rights are not being respect perhaps you can talk to your case worker and let them know. See what your options are because without knowing your whole case, I would assume you have them. I hope you can get what you need because you are worthy of happiness and respect. ~Mystrose

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Ashley, Im sorry friend that you are struggling again with your parents, I know you have had to deal with this for a long time and it seems so unfair that this is still going on. I don’t know why your mum wont sign the papers but have you got someone who is working for you? someone who is representing your side, your thoughts because it seems your parents arent and you are old enough to have your say and be heard. We also hear you Ashley and are here for you. Much Love Lisa x

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From: Mamadien

If you are in a situation where your parents have guardianship over you, do you have a case worker or social worker you work with? This sounds very frustrating for you and perhaps having an advocate would be helpful. Do you have a court appointed attorney for the guardianship you could speak with? Perhaps you could get help from that direction? In the meantime, please be kind to yourself and know that you are always welcome here to come and talk things out. We’re listening and we care. Know that you are loved and important.

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From: SuchBlue

Hi all_around_ashley,

I’m sorry that you’re feeling like this and like you can’t do anything about the situation. I’m very glad that you decided to share with us how unfair this is to you so at least you can express your anger in some way or another. I don’t see why you shouldn’t have a voice over this, and I really hope that you manage to have someone who is representing you in some way or another. For now, all you can do is try to stay positive and keep in mind that you’re loved. We are here for you :hrtlegolove:

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