So , I tried to fight this battle on my own because I was done with being open with people because how I couldn’t feel like I could trust anyone .
This months wasn’t the easiest on me . I’ve been through so much crap that I can’t even list . But rightnow I just want to commit suicide . I know I may not have a perfect life but I do have people that care about me . But all I can think about rightnow is death how I could die , how no one would fricken miss me . What’s the effing point of living . I thought about hanging myself or what ever dark stuff I want to do to myself . I’m always going to be hurt left and right . I’m always going to loose people who care about me . I’m always going to be someone who I’m not supposed to be infront of some other personality that the person is . It’s almost 4 in the morning I just want to die . I don’t see no point of living rightnow . I want to die , I don’t have a purpose . Probably no one is going to read this because their are thousand of other people posting. I wish I could just die alone , I wish I could just stop reaching out , I wish I wasn’t alive at all . I wish I could just hang my self and have everyone just let me die . Everything is just getting to me I’m sorry . I really don’t know what to do with myself rightnow . There is just so much on my plate . I’m sorry I’m hitting this low point rightnow I just need to feel better I guess :/.
Thanks for reading .
Knowing the bits that I know about your story, I understand at least bits of why you’d feel that way…it’s really hard to feel like you’re constantly striving to do the right thing and never getting noticed, having people constantly berate you and come down on you when you feel like you haven’t done anything to deserve it…to feel like you fight and fight and fight and fight and people say it gets easier but so often it feels like the opposite. In a place where you feel like life will never get better, it is so easy to decide to give up. I don’t blame you for feeling that way. I too have felt a similar way myself.
And at the same time friend, the truth is you deserve to live. The truth is things aren’t “ALWAYS” terrible. I know moments where you’ve felt you belong, where you’ve felt seen and noticed and loved…I know that because I’ve seen it, I’ve seen you feel that way in this community, if no where else. And what that tells me is that “feeling better” isn’t impossible, it’s just hard to see while you’re surrounded by pain. But that pain isn’t all encompassing and never ending. You have had it end before, you have had it pass, and it will again. The TRUTH is that you deserve to live, the pain will pass, and the world will be better for your choice to stay.
If someone like me, someone who has only interacted with you a handful of times, would miss you if you were gone, how much more would the people who know you deeply?
The point is not to guilt you for thinking the way you think. I know those thoughts and know they’re not without reason. But they are based on lies! And in community we have the opportunity to point each other back to truth.
The truth is you are dearly loved. You belong. You can press on. And we can support you in that journey.
-Nate
@NateTriesAgain , thanks for responding and putting into perspective for me . I am feeling better . I also def. agree with what your saying .
Thanks for responding ,
Ashley