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I am not sure what's wrong with me


#1

Hello Everyone, I don’t often post that much on here, but recently I think I have been falling apart inside. I have recently turned 18 years old and now I keep thinking about how I’m an adult now and all the responsibilities that I have now, or I will have soon. And I still want to feel my age, but I don’t think I’m treated like I’m an adult, so it could be the cause of some immature moments that I have.
I also I have some trust issues with people and I’m not sure how much I can trust some people at times and it makes me paranoid or scared and with my social skills be spotty because I can talk to people easily, but getting to know new people on a personal level especially males because there seem to be some issues there. And I feel like I have friends but not many that are close and talk on an often basis which is okay because it is still a good distance, but when I leave College in June 2019 I don’t think I’ll keep in touch with these people as much and with the issues socially and some trust issues making some new friends may prove difficult and I don’t want to feel as if I’m alone.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve not had a job and when applying I constantly get turned down and I have also had no girlfriends before or even close and before I even seem to get close it seems like they’re repealing from me as if there’s something wrong with me and I get blocked and dismissed or even being friendly, like getting close as a friend or more with me is such a bad thing. I’m not the slimmest guy and no muscles from what the media shows and promotes and makes it hard to believe in myself and I also look younger than I am which is good in a way. I do feel like I’m not attractive, not smart or appealing academically because I have dyscalculia and a type of dyslexia which makes mental working out harder and sometimes takes me longer to do some tasks mentally but on paper and with planning, I know that I’m smart.

For reference, this is me

I may have not explained this in the best way, but it just hit me that I felt bad about myself and I struggle to believe in myself and I used to be brave and a hard shell, confidence was always hit or miss with struggles from my parents divorce, but I always took it on the nose and moved forward and forget the struggle and the bad things, but know the bad things are staying in my head and holding me back from being me.

I just had a huge mental dump today and just typing this and telling the people I trust has already helped me and hearing your guys advice will help.

Thank you, Love you Guys!


#2

Hey Mini,

First I want to say welcome to the Support Wall, I’m so glad that you came here and reached out! We are here for you, we love you, and we want to walk alongside you in life. You are brave and courageous for reaching out, and for that I am proud of you, and I hope that you will continue to reach out because my friend you are not alone, and we want to walk along side you through this struggle called life. We love you, hold fast friend.

I’ve been sitting here for quite some time trying to find the words to say to make you feel better, to make you realize that you’re not alone, but honestly I felt myself inside this post and it broke me friend, because it’s so freaking tough, and I want you to know that you are not alone. I am here for you, I see you, I get it friend, but hey don’t give up because you are loved, you are wanted, you are important.

It’s hard finally hitting adulthood, and I’m feeling that way at 21. I’m working full time and going to college, and I ask myself constantly what the hell am I doing with my life, I don’t want to adult, I can’t adult, I get overwhelmed too. And I agree not being treated as an adult (especially by parents is tough) because in their eyes we will always be their kid/ their baby. But it’s like jeez y’all want me to grow up, to be responsible, and not immature but you treat me like a kid, how does that work?? I get it friend, I do and just know you’re not alone. Unfortunately I don’t have the best advice on this one because I’m literally living it, but the best I can tell you friend is just sit down and talk to them and be like hey, this isn’t right, and hope they take it well and you guys can work through it and make a healthy compromise.

Dude, trusting people is freaking hard, to someone who has had their trust broke a million times I get it friend, and believe me it takes freaking time. And that’s okay. For the longest time I felt dumb for not trusting people as quick as others. My support group I have now it took me eight months of being a part of this community before I truly began to open up and be honest about where I was at, so my friend you reaching out and trusting me, and trusting this community is such a huge freaking accomplishment and I’m proud of you.

Now also know, when I’m proud of you, and when I say those words I mean it dude. I don’t know if you’ve read any of my post on the support wall, but that’s something I’ve struggled with for a really long time. The desire to hear someone say I’m proud of you and actually mean it. It’s so freaking important to hear and I want you to know I mean those words. I’m proud of you for reaching out, I’m proud that you are here, I’m glad that you are here, and I really hope my friend that you continue to reach out! Whether it be here on the support wall, or if you’re not in the discord I encourage you to join that: https://www.discord.gg/heartsupport and that’s another amazing place that you can go and reach out! Because you are not alone, and I/we want to be here to walk along side you in life, and be there to support you along the way.

The lie you are believing: I am not good enough
The truth: You are good enough
The lie you are believing: I am not good enough
The truth: You are good enough
The lie you are believing: I am not good enough
The truth: You are good enough
The lie you are believing: I am not good enough
The truth: You are good enough

I could spam that a million times, because my friend I haven’t walked in your shoes, but this is something I struggle with daily. The feeling of always falling short and never being good enough usually starts at a young age, for me it was with my parents. I encourage you to identify when you first started having this feeling, or the root of the issue, and start seeking healing in that. It’s something that I want to work on into the new year and I talk about often with my support group because it’s something him and I both struggle with, so friend remember at the end of the day you aren’t alone.

Now there’s one more thing in your post that I think is important to address and it’s the way you view yourself. My friend, I don’t know if you believe in God, but dude you are made in God’s image and you are perfect just the way you are, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. And dude I know it’s tough, you’re talking to someone who’s struggled with self image her entire life, it’s not easy. But also the way you look, or the way you talk, or how book smart you are, etc. those things don’t define who you are as a person. And despite all that guess what: you are still LOVED, still IMPORTANT, still AMAZING, still WORTH LOVE, and still GOOD ENOUGH.

I was going to try to do like a to long didn’t read thing at the end, but I really hope that you read this. Man I poured my heart out to you in this post, cause dude I see you. I messaged a couple of people as I was responding to this post as it took me about an hour and a half to get all of this out, cause I see you dude, I see your heart, and don’t ever feel alone. We love you, we want to be here for you, to walk along side you. I’ll even go as far as to say I love you dude, and I would love to walk along side you, feel free to message me here, or when you join the discord shoot me a message there (daclassifiedninja). You are an encouragement to me, and you making this post has encouraged me to start working through some of these things in my life as well! Love you

Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,
Monkey


#3

I get you, brother. It’s hard when you know what you want, but you keep making these stupid little mistakes of being immature. Remember the lesson, and forget the mistake.
You are all you need. You’re not good enough for who? Those girls who don’t see what they’re missing? Girls can be thick sometimes. The right one will come along. If a girl doesn’t like you, we’ll then she’s not the type of person you’d want to be with anyway, not to give you a chance. The only person you should feel good enough for is yourself. But if you still want to improve, work on it. Work hard, and you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.
And if someone, a girl for example, seems to be rejecting you ask them why. Straight out, you deserve an answer.
Don’t let anyone make you be ashamed of who you are, and never give in. :slight_smile:


#4

Mini.
I love you. I don’t know how I can help right now with where I am mentally, but seriously. You’re awesome and you always make me smile when we chat! You’re amazing and fun to Overwatch with :wink:
My best friend spent 6 months getting rejected before she got a job - and even then it was a 0 hour contract… She’s still going tho, and if she can, so can you, because she gives up so easily.
I struggle with how I look too and relationships - I don’t really feel that connection with anyone and I’m scared to get close to people. I’m so proud of you for reaching out and trusting us - you know where I am if you ever want to just chat, play some games… hell, we could even hop on a train and meet up sometime. I love you, keep coming back to the streams and the discord etc. You’re very loved in this community, I know that you know that.

Love you.
Hold Fast
Kayla


#5

hey mini, i have no great words, but i hear you & you not alone


#6

Mini, friend, so sorry to hear you’re going through this stuff. I’m putting here some things I put in HS chat. It may or may not help but just know what you’re feeling is totally understandable. Looking at your life in terms of a “big picture” is way overwhelming especially if you don’t have a specific focus or plan. Narrow the range and deal with things just in front of you. The next day, the next year…keep it close. It’s way too big to think you should have it all together at 20. Not so. Life evolves. Focus on you and getting to a place where you like/love you. Things tend to work themselves out when you’re just being you and following a path that fits you. Talking to a professional can be a big help. Even if it’s a college counselor. Good luck to you. You got this.


#7

Hey man,

I came from the stream and I totally understand what you’re feeling. I’m really crappy at giving advice, but what I can tell you is that you are not alone and I know you aren’t the only one feeling these kinds of feelings. I know you’ll find your flock (so to speak) and though it might take some time, you’ll find amazing friends that will love you no mater what.

Hold fast dude.
Jess