From genesis500: Hi everyone, I have been addicted to porn and masturbation for about 5 years now. I started watching when I was in Year 9 of secondary school which was maybe 2017/18. After that it just grew into my schedule, it was either doing it before I got in the shower in the morning or after school.
Fast forward to now, I’ve reached a point where I massively hate myself for doing this stuff. I want to stop and I have for a week and a half before I gave up. I always feel ashamed in myself and disappointed idk why I feel so excited for it just to feel depressed afterwards.
Recently having a job and earning money has made things worse. I have started purchasing onlyfans subscriptions and content some for ridiculous amounts of money, I spent £200 on a models sex tape, I didn’t even think about how much money it was I just did it. I hate myself for that, thinking that money could’ve gone to something I need, I only got paid yesterday.
This is a curse and I feel so ashamed of myself for falling back into it. I try so hard to control myself and to steer myself away from it, but it’s so hard being addicted to it for years and try to come off it. I need some advice please.
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Hi Genesis! 🫶🏻
First of all, thank you so much for being open about your addiction to Porn. It seems like you’ve struggled with this for quite some time. Porn itself isn’t harmful and is something most people watch or enjoy. However if you feel like it’s affecting your every day life, then getting help is a good idea 
It’s all about impulse control. The brain learns which behaviour releases dopamine and then creates an impulse as a method of getting that “fix” if you like. It can alter your brain chemistry. I think it’s important to remember that what you see on porn sites and only fans is not real. It is acting and directed by skilled actors within the pornography industry.
Relapses are common, so please don’t feel ashamed. Addiction is possible to beat and I have faith in you that you will beat this. My suggestion is to limit how much you use. So for example maybe only a couple of hours per day. If you have an iPhone you can lock certain apps after you’ve spent some time on them.
Perhaps another way to do it is not to browse the internet unsupervised. This way you are less likely to want to feed into your addiction.
I hope you find this helpful. Keep on going strong! You’ll get through this 
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Hey genesis, it’s a really hard thing when addiction bleeds into spending on the addiction. I do want to encourage you are not alone in your addiction, and while these addictions, no matter what they are, can make us feel so guilty and ashamed, we value you and you are in a safe space.
Funnily enough I’ve found that shame and guilt play into causing relapse. At times guilt can cause us to look for coping mechanisms and what more perfect way to cope that with the addiction that sends those signals to the brain that “this is nice”.
I know there are apps like Migiri that can block sites even on stealth mode and they have guided meditations and activities, but I’d also encourage you to maybe think about chatting with a professional. Not because the porn aspect is inherently bad, but is is impacting on your mental well being and your financial well being. It could be really helpful to have someone guide you around those heavy feelings of guilt.
They can help you also talk through and be aware of your triggers. What’s happening in the moment when you find you’re wanting to spend money and what can be a healthy way to be aware of it and what steps to take during those moments.
As evil genius said as well, relapses are sometimes a part of the journey. One of my favourite things to keep reminding myself throughout life is “you’re starting from experience not from scratch”.