I am so depressed

I literally have no one, I dont want to kill myself but I wouldn’t mind dying. I know nothing stays the same but everytime it gets better it gets 10xs worst. I just had a mental break down that lasted over 3 hours. I can’t tell anyone how I feel because no one really cares. I try to explain to my bf but all he says is “you can do it” because he doesn’t understand. I haven’t slept in days and I just want to get drunk enough right now to have the balls to put myself out of my fucking misery. I dont know where to go from here besides in the ground. I’m like a house on fire at this point… hanging in there isn’t my best option at all. I just can’t anymore

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@Brie

I am so sorry. Sometimes the worst thing we can hear is “you can do it, just hang in there” or some other cliche. So I’m not going to say that.

I’m just going to tell you I hear you and I love you.

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You dont even know me, I bet if you were in my shoes your reply would be different. I have no one.no parent to cry to. I’m doing this alone

You’re right. I don’t know you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.

I’m here. Keep talking to me. I’ll keep listening.

Why are you doing this? Why do you care? What’s your story? How do you find the strength to get up every day and tell people who doesn’t have that same strength that you care?

I’m doing this because I care. I care because people have cared for me. I care because I believe that I’m supposed to love others. I care because you deserve to be cared for. I care because I want to care.

My story is I’m a recovering addict and I’m going through a divorce. My strength to get up comes from my belief that I have a purpose. I believe in a Creator who gave me that purpose. I believe in a Creator who loves me. I believe in a Savior - Jesus. He is where my strength comes from.

And even though I’m in a shitstorm right now, it won’t last. I will get through it and HE is with me in the middle of it. That’s where my strength comes from.

I’m not saying you have to believe that. I’m not saying if you just believe in Jesus everything will be fine. I’m just telling where I’m coming from.

I care. I’m here. Talk to me.

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I know how you feel! I have hardly no one in my life! I’m a good and generous friend. I got pregnant at an early age; my family ostracized me! I haven’t seen them in 20 years. I was a single mom for a long time. I remarried and after 25 years my spouse divorced me; he was having an affair with a man. He tried to evict me out of my home, hid groceries from me, locked them up, I wasn’t working at the time. He was having sex in our basement with his partner-he was so mean to me! And I loved him! All this a week after my teen son fell asleep at the wheel driving on I-90 and went into oncoming traffic! I needed someone in my life. I started dating a handsome, lovely man—I thought God had answered my prayers. But no! He is an alcoholic and became verbally and physically abusive. After two years I decided to leave; before I could he filed an eviction against me! So much pain and hurt from people I loved! I’m living in a cheap office because it was available and affordable. I know your pain! I cry every day. You have to cry to heal; I hate my life and wish for a quick death! I take comfort knowing I have that option. But it’s not really what I want. I want to be happy again, and I want that for you. You can talk to me anytime; I will be here for you! :heart:

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I dont know if this is just a bump in the road and I’ll be fine in a few days or weeks but this is the lowest I’ve been. There’s something about trying to kill yourself and failing the first time. I feel this guilt and I live every day wishing I had died the first time so I didn’t have to deal with this. When I came back from the hospital life got harder… that was 2 and a half years ago and I’m still here. It showed me that I was stronger than that but this low is lower than when I tried to take my life. My story is that I moved to Canada when i was 12 with an abusive alcoholic father that i didn’t know prior to moving and his wife, now ex wife. They got divorced a year or two after I got to canada I was left with nowhere to live and no one who cares. I’m now 20 and I have no one. All my family are in a different country and I lithabe no one. I’m struggling to put myself through school but I have no support and I can do so well if only I had some help but I’m failing miserably. I’m failing life and I have no idea where to go it what to do from here. Will talking fix that?

No, just talking won’t fix that. But I’m glad to know your story. I am thankful you trusted me enough to share it. I hope you know I’m not sitting in judgement of you. And I am not scared off by your story. I am glad to have met you.

There is nothing you, or I, or anyone else can do to change the absolute shit you have been through - nothing. But, what happened doesn’t have to be what happens next.

You said it yourself…

You are still here. You are still standing. Yes, you have fought through and still are fighting through a mountain of shit right now, but you are stronger than that.

You’re not alone. There is a whole community here to support you. Keep reaching out to me. I’ll respond. I may not be in Canada with you, but I am with you.

I am praying for you.

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That meant a lot and was somewhat comforting. Thank you, I’m going to try and get some sleep

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Hey, I’m sorry. I am in no position to give you any advice, that broke my heart and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I want to talk to you more.

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