I’m… Kind of scared of posting here. This is my first post here, I don’t really know how it works but… Let’s just try, I guess.
Everyday it keeps getting worse and worse and I can’t deal with it anymore. The voices are loud, I can’t see positivity anywhere anymore and selfharm isn’t doing it for me anymore. I need more, I need to just disappear… And then I’ll be at peace with everything I went through.
Welcome to HeartSupport! There’s nothing to be scared of, nobody here will judge you. As you open up, people around here can offer words of advice and support. It’s really a great system.
I’m so sorry to hear this. If the voices are pushing you down, spite them. Do things to try to make yourself happy. The voices in your head are just that. And no, unfortunately, they’re not going anywhere anytime soon, but you just have to believe that you can overcome them, because you can. Self harm is only temporary, but unlike say, a hobby, it’s destructive rather than constructive behavior (but I’m assuming you know that). Maybe try to find a hobby, something you can do for your happiness. Someday, you’ll find your purpose, and I hope it brings you happiness.
Feel free to reach out to me personally if you need to vent or confide in someone.
Stay strong: you are loved
I’ve tried so many different things but even the things I’ve always loved like reading and writing don’t do it for me anymore… I just really want to die. I feel like if I killed myself it would be a better ending for me than anything else…
But that shouldn’t be your ending. You are worth so much more than words can describe, and your life should be able to reflect on that.
I don’t know… I just don’t know what to do anymore
Do you enjoy art? Or cooking? Perhaps even music?
I enjoy books. Reading, a lot. And like writing but… I can’t seem to be able to do either anymore
If you don’t mind me asking, why not?
The voices are way too loud for me to even think…
Try something that takes minimal thinking. I bake bread. The kneading is all automatic to me, then I enjoy the end result.
I don’t know if I even have the energy… I took my sleeping pills and I just want to take more… but thank you so much for trying to help me
I’m always here if you need somebody. Goodnight
I was in a similar place a few weeks ago and I reached out to some friends who work with kids. Several of the people they’ve poured into are gone. Here’s what they told me:
Suicide will not accomplish what you think it will. You will leave a void behind you that will devastate those near you and could start others on their own dark path.
Most suicide survivors say that when they almost died, they realized that they didn’t actually want to. But very few who attempt it get a second chance.
They took me to my counselor and I agreed to do what ever he thought would be best for me, including being institutionalized. Because I was willing to listen and defer to their wisdom, it didn’t come to that.
Instead I changed my routine and started fasting and praying because I knew God wanted to speak to me.
I stopped listening to music so that I didn’t have so many voices in my head all the time. And BAM: I found purpose and answers.
I’m not saying that is what you should do exactly or that I’m totally fine now. But I am doing worlds better.
You have to find help somehow. If the people you’ve reached out to aren’t helping, find someone new. It’s scary, but the fact that you’re on Heart Support is evidence that you’ve got some fight left in you.
And for that, I salute you!
me too. like what the fuck do i even have any hope anymore for I’ve been so fucked and miserable more and more everyday the past few years no matter what i do
I just stumbled across this and I hope both of you are managing. The irony of that statement is that I found this forum as I am tired too…struggling to stay positive or at least not hopeless. Mostly guilt and shame of my thoughts is what kept me going before but it just isn’t working any more. As I write this I have no idea why I even decided to reply…maybe just trying to grasp for something. Why is living so difficult?
I would like to encourage you to create a new topic, share your story/what you’d be willing to express, @Something99.
I see you, and I can assure you that many people in this community can relate to how you feel and would certainly love responding to you and sharing some encouragement your way. Well done for creating an account and taking the first step of reaching out. You are not alone.