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I am stuck in a self loathing cycle and I know I am a loser

I feel like I’m stuck in this idea, it’s like inception, that I literally can’t do anything, I feel like I’m paralyzed, like I need to disappear because I don’t have any usefulness. I sometimes look at people and say, I can never be like him/her and I’ll end up in the streets talking to myself. That’s the best I can do. I have a bachelor in finance, but I’m a burden because I never worked, and I am 28 Years old. The voice inside my head telling me I’m a loser is not helping me through job interviews. I didn’t finish my master’s, and I pretend to be smart but I’m not, don’t be fooled. I have a mental laziness. Sometimes I think I do it on purpose, I’m punishing myself but I can’t do anything about it. I have no friends. My friend are all successful but I’m not and don’t want to yet it makes me feel angry that I think this way. I have no boyfriend and that’s not an issue. I never complained. I struggled for so long and nothing has ever changed. Please help.


Hey Mary :slight_smile:
you have a bachelor? so you have success!!
be proud of that!

I’m 32, i always worked in callcenter, i have a good school certificate, but no one gave me a chance.
Since 2-3 years, i change the game! i began sport , i changed my food, and began a retraining.

So what i want to say, if you want to to something or change, just do it. Sometimes there a bad things in your life, that you dont realize. You have to disconnect from this bad things to make something great new!!!

And i have no girlfriend, too. i’m the most time of my whole life alone, thats life.
Try to go out with friends, talk to boys, maybe you get to know new people :slight_smile:


Hi @Mary, I’m sorry you are feeling these ways about yourself. I want you to know that they’re not true, that these voices and feelings are nothing more than voices and feelings and they don’t shape the reality of your life. You’ve got your bachelor’s in finance, that’s amazing! They don’t just hand those degrees out to anyone, and while it’s just a piece of paper it DOES represent years of hard work you’ve put in towards achieving that goal. There’s nothing wrong with not having finished your Master’s, school is always going to be around; you can always go back to school if that’s what works out for you in your life. I know what it’s like to feel stuck, and to feel like I don’t have any friends. Ask yourself if these things really are true. I would encourage you to try build yourself up more, recognize the lies that you are telling yourself and let them go! If you have difficulty recognizing these thing, post them here, we will help you build yourself up.

Love you friend, hold fast.

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I see some of what’s called Imposter Syndrome. You feel like you’ve fooled everyone that you’re better than you think of yourself. I’m also struggling with getting a job, and I feel like I don’t deserve my PhD.
It’s hard to have a good interview when you have so many doubts about yourself. It’s so easy to feel down on yourself when things don’t work out.
When I’m struggling with self-confidence, I lean on my friends and my communities to hear me out. They say encouraging things. While I might not be able to internationalize it in the moment, I can still look back on how the people I know love me and want me in their lives.
If it’s hard to get those messages from friends, this community is a great place to receive encouragement messages.

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To Mary, with love__Rediscover your foundation: bathe in your ugliness (Ugliness in the sense of what is different; what is queer–what makes you you and special). Accept yourself at your most bottom and love that–love all of that. Close your eyes. Breathe. Say, “I love me and all my ugliness” (Think of self in a honest way). It is never too late.

Use that power to move forward.

And remember your thoughts are not you!

YoU hold the power!




I never thought that I would get all the feedback that I got from you guys. I feel that there’s a silver lining after all…Thank you XHorizons I will try for the sake of the hope you gave me :slight_smile:

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Hey Adam , thank you so much for those words… You give me courage and hope…I will try ! I am trying…

Yes , Viola ! In my diary I’ve written so many times about embracing one’s weaknesses and flaws…yet somehow, consciously or unconsciously, I end up giving up and hating myself. But I am trying…To get out. Thanks

Hey , When you say" I feel like I don’t deserve my PhD" , I really can’t relate to any sentence more than that one…that’s why I haven’t finished my master’s and thats’ why I feel like I don’t deserve any job. It’s this idea that it’s in my head…The imposter syndrome is an interesting topic and I’m looking it up …thank you for the feedback :slight_smile:

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I can’t describe how much every word you said meant for me , I was listening , smiling and tearing up… All I can say now is that healing takes time , and finding one’s true self-worth takes a lot of time as well.There are layers of darkness that need to be erased and to be dealt with. I am struggling to adjust to the idea that it’s okay to be or feel different, that I am unique , that I am worth something…that I am human and I deserve to live with dignity and not to be ashamed of myself. In my case,It’s hard not to believe in the opposite but know that your kind words lift me up. I am trying to get out of this loop and to find inner peace, to finally be a self loving ,self caring human being. Thank you so much for everything you said ,they meant the world for me. Thank you Heartsupport (PS excuse my poor english , it’s not my first language) Peace