I am suffering terribly

Ever since the incident that happened with my mother on the weekend, she has refused to come home and she has abandoned me once again. On the weekend she had 2 relapses, one on Saturday and another on Sunday. She drank and took half a sleeping pill each time which resulted to her going to the hospital on both incidents. She would blame me infront of the officers and be hysterical, screaming at the top of her lungs and acting crazy. They even had to carry her to the ambulance. She was telling me and the officers about her rape, and assault while hurting herself. I had to take a 4 hour long bus ride home alone. (More is in previous post “worst weekend of my recovery”)

I have severe ptsd and lack of sleep every night and people still demand of me even when I tell them what’s wrong with me. I had a friend literally say “yeah my day is shit too” and would go on and on about themself without actually validating how I feel. My ex boyfriend keeps texting me wanting me back and sends me this:

“Make sure things are good by you and your people’s.”

I need a partner that will be with me through even some of my worst times. Every time I have something traumatic happen to me or a terrible situation occurs, he will make it about himself that he will invalidate me or not even listen even after asking me to tell him.

God I feel so fucking alone. I haven’t eaten or slept in 2 days and I’m at my wits end. The images won’t go away and I wake up screaming every night.

I need to just kill myself. I can’t give people what they want from me and it becomes my problem. I feel so alone.

@Purplelilly, I’m so sorry you feel this way.
But this won’t last forever. One day you’ll be free of your mom. I know she puts a lot of stress on you. Try to find something to relax you maybe, something you like.
You are not alone. We believe in you. As for your ex, tell him to leave you alone. He’s not worthy of you. But dont give up hope! There’s lots of good guys out there that you can find.
Those people aren’t your friends if they don’t care about you. Focus on yourself first. And please eat and sleep. You are the most important person in your life, and you are much stronger than you think.
Hold Fast <3