Back to heartsupport

I am the definition of useless

Lets get started. I’m 15 in grade 10. I have no friends and every time I enter my school I get anxiety and start feeling super bad about myself. I’m male, 15 and I’m 5 foot 3. I’ve been made fun of about it by my friends but it didn’t get to me. But when I got to grade 8 and I never got any growth spurts I got super anxious about it. I am kinda fat but I suck in my stomach whenever I’m around anyone and they all think I’m not that fat but they don’t know that I suck in my stomache. Whenever I’m in any clothes I hate it because all the fat shows. I had friends in grade 9 but I don’t ever leave the house anymore. My grades are horrible since day 1. I have always been getting 60’s on my report cards and this year I hid my midterm report card from my parents. I feel like a loser and whenever I speak to anyone my heart starts pounding. Even when I talk to my friend that I had since grade 3 I start acting very weird and strange. My parents always tell me to study more and I hate it. Every single day they remind me of how dumb I am and they tell me that they are spending so much money on tutors to make me feel guilty I guess. All the kids in school talk to each other and have so many friends and then there’s me. I sit alone every day in all my classes and I look so ugly. I got super dark baggy circles under my eyes because I used to not sleep at all and I used to use my phone jn the dark at night until my battery died. I can’t stop that habit now and I’ll never get rid of the dark circles. I tell myself everyday at night to work out and sleep early and too eat healthy. But when morning hits I don’t do anything. The only way I can speak to people is online. That’s my way of trying to cope with anxiety. I have online friends I play games with and I’m getting comfortable talking with them. I just want to be normal man, I’m 5 foot 3, fat, ugly, got dark circles under my eyes, I can’t speak to anybody without having a heart attack and I will never be able to make my parents proud. My sister goes to McMaster and gets AMAZING grades and is super smart. So I feel like a useless loser. I know I keep repeating stuff but I just want to vent everything out because I have been holding this in since grade 8.

I just want to tell you life gets better. I was coming here to post and instead I want to give you a big virtual hug. I’m glad you let it out - now think of 1 positive thing about yourself. I will start with one: your writing is compelling! Hugs, friend!

1 Like

I really can’t think of anything positive about myself anymore. My grades are so bad that I don’t think I will have a good future :pensive: